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Staring up at her in horror, I wondered hoas possible that this was iven birth to me, raised me, comforted me when I was hurt, could hate me this much? Tears filled my eyes, and I despised myself for the weakness “

Everyone was out It was just you and me in the house, and you found me in the bedroom You attacked me” The memory flashed over me, and I could still feel the burn of her slaps “You started slapping me”

Dermot pulled in a breath behind Mom

“You kept telling me I was selfish That it should have been me” The tears scalded my cheeks “It should have beenkid, you said”

“Jesus fuck,” my brother whispered

I swiped angrily at hten with her own “I didn’t kno to deal with that … to have my mom hate me so much … So yeah, I drank to cope I’m not proud of myself I’ that happened here And I’m not proud that I stayed away because I was so afraid to face you again Not because of you”—I shook et the reassurance I needed from her—“but because I hurt them The family that still loved one chalk white “I’m sorry I abandoned you,” I whispered “I’m so sorry”

A deathly silence filled the room

Dermot stared at Mom in accusation

“Don’t look at me like that,” Mom whispered

“Is it true?” he grunted, like he could hardly get the words out “Did you do that to her?”

My mom was quiet for a while and then she whispered tearfully, “She ruined your sister’s life”

“Mom, you know that’s not true”

“You all can’t see it, but it’s true And Dill—” Moirl”

“And what about Dahlia?” Dermot retorted “She’s your kid too, Mom”

“No She was never mine She was always his God would take mine, wouldn’t he? Story of my fuckin’ life”