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Peter let his hand tremble a little, and he said, "If you think I should stop, I think I s under control this time, I really do"

"No, no," Mother said "I don't want you to stop Just--be careful, that's all"

"I'm careful, Mom"

Nothing was different, nothing had changed in a year Ender was sure of it, and yet it all see soldier in the standings, and no one doubted that he deserved it now At the age of nine he was a toon leader in Phoenix Army, with Petra Arkanian as his co practice sessions, and now they were attended by an elite group of soldiers noh any Launchy anted to could still come Alai was also a toon leader, in another arood friends; Shen was not a leader, but that was no barrier Dink Meeker had finally accepted command and succeeded Rose the Nose in Rat Ar well, very well, I couldn't ask for anything better--

So why do I hate my life?

He went through the paces of the practices and ga the boys in his toon, and they followed him loyally He had the respect of everyone, and he was treated with deference in his evening practices Commanders came to study what he did Other soldiers approached his table at mess and asked permission to sit down Even the teachers were respectful

He had so much damn respect he wanted to scream

He watched the young kids in Petra's arroups, watched how they played, how theyHe watched the camaraderie of old friends who had known each other in the Battle School for years, who talked and laughed about old battles and long-graduated soldiers and commanders

But with his old friends there was no laughter, no reence and exciteht it had co practice Ender and Alai were discussing the nuances of open-space maneuvers when Shen came up and listened for a few moments, then suddenly took Alai by the shoulders and shouted, "Nova! Nova! Nova!" Alai burst out laughing, and for a ether the battle where open-rooed past the older boys and--

Suddenly they remembered that Ender was there "Sorry, Ender," Shen said

Sorry For what? For being friends? "I was there, too, you know," Ender said

And they apologized again Back to business Back to respect And Ender realized that in their laughter, in their friendship, it had not occurred to them that he could have been included

How could they think I was part of it? Did I laugh? Did I join in? Just stood there, watching, like a teacher

That's how they think of endary soldier Not one of them Not someone that you embrace and whisper Salaam in his ear That only lasted while Ender still seemed a victim Still seemed vulnerable Noas the master soldier, and he was completely, utterly alone

Feel sorry for yourself, Ender He typed the words on his desk as he lay on his bunk POOR ENDER Then he laughed at hiirl in this school ouldn't be glad to trade places with me