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AUDREY - Four years ago…

To say it simply, my life is a broken iven a set number of obstacles they have to overcome before they die If that were the case, then hopefully I’ve already hit my limit for this lifetime Because nosee

This catastrophe of a life was inevitable though My parents began the cycle when they decided that getting high and not using condoh, my mom made sure that it stayed a ing while pregnant Luckily, the only side effect resulting froht Her worst decision of all was deciding to keepcouple, one ould have actually wantedof what iven ested Would I live in an actual house? Would I have noro to nors? Orthe fact thatparent a nurse actually advised her to look into adoption within the first twenty-four hours of delivery, I’m still baffled that they even let her leave with me She loves to tell me that story too, only she revises it every once in a while by saying I was actually the horrible one, and that it was no wonder the nurse suggested it But apparently, the enticeardless of the fact that neither of the about me

When I was four, I realized that food costs money and I couldn’t wait for the day when I could leave the house and earn solimpse of what e or over the counter of a liquor store When I was ten, I startedlawns and then at fourteen, people in our trailer park allowed me to babysit their children I knew by then that if I earned my own money I could use it to buy food, which was few and far between at our house I loved going to school because it was usually the only tiet the first tirocery store with a pocket full of e worked, or howout with only a bag of apples I loved apples, and the only time I had ever had them hen they served therocery checker informed me I couldn’t afford the apples and the loaf of bread, my decision was easy I wanted the apples I was so proud ofable to buy food to take home to my parents I just knew they would smile and maybe… just maybe they would finally praise h our old, creaky front door,and asked, "What the hell are those?" At thatof his words or the wobble in his walk, but I didn’t

So I sht thee shot across his face and my smile plummeted Maybe he had misunderstood me

"You spent money on some damn fruit? How the fk could you be such an idiot? We don’t need any shitty fruit," he screa hands

Every once in awhile, I think back on that day and every time, it plays like a slow- co when the first apple hit that it wasn’t any worse than his fist felt Then the force of four ainst my flesh, and it orse -- much, much worse Whack, Whack, Whack Whack

I also remember that I didn’t screa onlyto do this regardless I slumped down into s, while trying as best as I could to covera sopping wet ainst my body, he then switched over to his fists I recall hi money and a few other unpleasant terround and waited for the punishment to end, while fist after fist and a few feet continued their assault I kneouldn’t stop until he’d worn himself out Wham… my face, Wham… broken rib, Wham… my stoh, the blackness engulfed me The blackness was safe Sometimes I wished I could just stay there

When I finally ca over s of frozen vegetables across various parts of my body I didn’t even want to know the extent of my injuries The bruises took months to heal I wasn’t allowed outside of the trailer andthe her down an entire forty constituted ho much

Mrs Thomas helpedaround any more than my parents did So she never called for help She had her own secrets to hide, only one of the husband By the tirade I also never ate an apple again

~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after my seventeenth birthday, I was hired to work in the kitchen of an Italian restaurant on the nicer side of town Forand required ht Perfect The less time I had to spend at home, the better Another bonus was that Chef Moretti, or Nico as he letthe other employees I think it’s probably because I worked the hardest, never wanting to go hoht me how to cook a few of the dishes we served I was constantly fantasizing about one day living onable to prepare authentic s or cardboard boxes wouldn’t be allowed I was excited at the idea of being able to bring hoetables Except apples, never apples

Nico doesn’t kno abusive my parents actually are, but I think he understands to an extent why I have to hide fro there, I asked his saved on the side My reason being thathome a paystub so he always kno much I roceries and a bus pass, but any reoes directly into his hands

Thankfully, one look into reed I don’t know h to know that what he’s doing could possibly get him into trouble I’ve lost track of how much Nico has put away forOne day, it’ll helprocery store and buy all of the items my dad has pre-approved My list hetti I also purchase the one item that will hopefully keep my dad’s hands off of me--a bottle of whiskey While sometimes this backfires, typically it keeps him in a better mood It’s a risky line I walk every day