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I nod "I understand"

She spins on her heels "None of this really oing to allow this, so don’t be surprised when he shows up here" She strides for the door and examines the locks--one deadbolt and one twist lock on the doorknob "Make sure you lock up at all ti situation needs to be just like at home" She waits forthe door shut behind her

I breathe in deep gulps of air, as if her absence has instilled an abundance of oxygen into the room There was a brief time when I was about six where I actually believed she had the superpower of sucking away all the air frorew up, I became painfully aware that I just had an anxiety attack every time I was near her

But I’m not near her anymore

I’m free

Sort of

I stare at the bracelet on my wrist I used to have one just like it, butdinnertie to leave the house unless I ith Evan

Ithe bracelet just to see what’ll happen, but I don’t want to risk anything ruining my moment, so I tear my attention off the bracelet and focus on the rooford, in that home that slowly fed off my soul Reh Not just the contents, but in the perfectly stacked, even rows of boxes Neatly taped, neatly labeled Neatly Neatly Neatly Like ht

No No more I didn’tmy lip hard, I kick my sandals onto the carpet and toss the pills onto the countertop Then I cross the roo the boxes into uneven rows of chaos It’s a painful process, considering how neat and orderly e to , I receive a text e from my boyfriend, Evan

Evan: Wow, I never knew you were a traitor, E me and your fah school during sophomore year after he ran into me in the hallway His smile won me over He was the star quarterback, and I was the head cheerleader, so according to everyone, ere the perfect row closer, which we did We were no and queen We wore plastic crowns on our heads that shined perfectly with our sures on top of a wedding cake, surrounded by fondant, flowers, and ribbon So pretty

I’ve never been with anyone else, but have often wondered what it would be like to look at someone and want to kiss them

Me: I’ who our fa out ers to text back, but then stop and delete the nore him for now; otherwise, he’ll put a da, I’one down and darkness blankets the tiny apartht on and look at what I’ve done The way the boxes are strewn about creates madness in my body If my mother were here, she’dto calm down, I turn to hteen years I rip open the box labeled notebooks and retrieve the tattered spiral book on top Grabbing a pen from my purse, I flop down on the unmade bed in the bedroom and allow my hand to release the pressure trapped inside my chest, release the truth I’ll never be able to tell anyone except for this piece of paper

They say my father was a hero

That he saved lives

He wore a heart of gold

In his world,

a doctor was his calling

My mother, she was saint,

ht, so flawless--

So perfect

She shined for the world

Me?

Most sawbeauty,

skin of flawless porcelain,

rounded eyes reflecting the soul

Ideally, I was perfect on the outside

Which meant I had to be perfect on the inside, as well

My heart had to carry warood