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I wish I had told her when I had the chance

"I don’t rerandparents," Charlie says softly "My mom said they used to care for me when I was really small My mom had me when she was fifteen, so they helped while she was finishing high school In my head, I see this older blond wo on a big white porch, waving at me" She frowns "But I’ in toward my body, her head nests itself in the crook of my arm "What’s your sister’s name?"

"Lizzy" The painful lu since vanished, leaving only faint bitterness

"Lizzy," Charlie repeats in a whisper There’s a pause, a slight hesitation, and then she confesses, "I would have had a brother, but he died during childbirth Myto name him Harrison She said she alanted a son naers around a strand of her hair, I start playing with it,at its silkiness "Harrison and Charlie?"

Her chest rises with a sharp inhale "Where is your sister now?"

I pause to watch a ship sail by in the distance as I decide just how ht So far, she hasn’t seemed at all put off by what she’s learned I can’t help but want to just off-load everything and find out quickly whether she’s going to reject me Other than Penny, Storm, and Nate--and John, of course, as the first officer at the scene that night ten years ago--I’ve never talked to anyone about my past And no one but Nate knows the entire story But do I really want to air all ht’s conversation very quickly by leaning in and kissing her That would end all talking I’ eyes on my face and that’s all it takes for o, with -related murder The cops were never able to nail anyone for it"

Charlie’s body tenses up next to me and that makesif she really wants to get involved with a guy like me?

"What do you reh my teeth I’d expected her to ask how they were involved with drugs, if they were guilty If I miss them This is one question I didn’t anticipate, and it somehow feels all the more invasive

Charlie’s hand loops aroundit rest halfway up her thigh, just belohere her dress ends Having

My hard s fills the air "At sixteen, Lizzy had a chip on her shoulder and an attitude that made you want to throttle her She’d already been expelled fro frouys" I shake my head

Charlie’s manicured thumbs work small circles around the back of ?"

"HonestlyI couldn’t stand her" It’s painful even now to adreith She changed About threefor so blow jobs and God knohat else She orking under the table and using the ID of a twenty-six-year-old Latina girl na like her She was sixteen! The owner didn’t care"

Exhaling heavily as if that act will release the guilt that still lingers ten years later, I continue "And neither did I Not enough" With trepidation, I glance down at that doll face and findI don’t knohat that look is It’s unreadable Not judgs I saw in Penny’s eyes when I ad

It spurs me on "I wasn’t much better than her, believeon friends’ couches I barely graduated high school Then I started getting into the bigger fights Making real h for my own car and an apartment I let Lizzy come to live with me for a few months, but then I found out about the club and I kicked her out Sheabout the fact that she was selling herself All because I couldn’t see past the tough, bitchy exterior to the girl as still so soh when they" My teeth crack against the clench "I’ up, those last few htmares, when the brutal and explicit details fro for me, for my help For me to return the money that I’d stolen in the first place

"And your parents? Did they knoas going on?"

Bitterness slithers through ht, I can’t help but feel the tension coiling tighter "My dad dealt coke and pot My h "dealt sex They were scu, they didn’t care Fuck, for all I know,a cut Lizzy had no one to protect her fro me of what she’s probably had to deal with in her own life Curling the ar the back of the bench around her ss silently around us as I wait for Charlie to say so To tell me that it wasn’t my fault, that I couldn’t have knoould happen, that I shouldn’t let the guilt eat s I’ve heard frouilt But she doesn’t say any of that Instead, she liftsit back down to her lap, where her dress has cliher

"It sounds like she’s not the only one who needed soue with her

There’s a pause and then she asks, "So, how did you end up in Miauilt for a while I" Mystakes, where I laid down every last dih reward, and if I lost, I would lose everything But I couldn’t be beaten, because all of my opponents had the same face--mine The brother who turned his back on his little sister Not the sister who cussed and sneered and dropped to her knees for fifty bucks The little girl with hazel eyes, who sat quietly on that pier bench, eating her ice crea up at the brother as supposed to always protect her Lizzy becairl who lay broken on the dirty, bloodstained shag rug inroo to keep the hoarseness fro A lot of money" The hand I have curled around her shoulder flexes autohts--all those ribs I cracked, noses I broke, guys I beat senseless The guy I unintentionally killed the saot tired of it I kneasn’t going toht if I could help other girls like Lizzy,for irl who thinks she has no other choice and there are always going to be dirtbags like Rick Cassidy, who feed off their desperation and turn the productive with et away froe"