Page 147 (1/1)

The next , when I came down to tea, my mother scolded me--less severely, however, than I had expected--andI answered her in feords, oive the

'Anyway, they're people who're not comme il faut,'about there, instead of preparing yourself for the exa your work'

As I ell aware that my mother's anxiety about my studies was confined to these feords, I did not feel it necessary totea was over, arden with me, forced me to tell him all I had seen at the Zasyekins'

A curious influencebetween us He took hardly any interest in s; he respected my freedom, he treated me--if I may so express it--with courtesy, only he never let me be really close to him I loved him, I admired him, he was my ideal of a man--and Heavens! how passionately devoted I should have been to hi me off! But when he liked, he could alesture, call forth an unbounded confidence in him My soul expanded, I chattered away to him, as to a wise friend, a kindly teacherthen he as suddenly got rid of ently and affectionately, but still he kept h spirits, and then he was ready to roorous physical exercise of every sort); once--it never happened a second time!--he caressed h spirits and tenderness alike vanished co to build on for the future--it was as though I had dreamed it all Soht faceyearn to hi on within o away, or take up some work, or suddenly freeze all over as only he kne to freeze, and I shrank into myself at once, and turned cold too His rare fits of friendliness to ible entreaties: they always occurred unexpectedly Thinking over my father's character later, I have cohts to spare for s, and found complete satisfaction elsewhere 'Take for yourself what you can, and don't be ruled by others; to belong to oneself--the whole savour of life lies in that,' he said tode my views on liberty (he was 'kind,' as I used to call it, that day; and at such times I could talk to him as I liked) 'Liberty,' he repeated; 'and do you knohat can give a man liberty?'