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I nodded, but I had to push away the dizzying storh er, finished Teen Mo, and then went ho time to fall asleep after Becca left All I could think of was how I’d had to push , how I’d felt like I was drowning in hi o and let myself be swept away

I didn’t want to have any doubts, though I didn’t want to show up at Becca’s house afterwards and cry because I hadn’t been a hundred percent ready to have sex with Kyle

A voice whispered deep in h, and asked me if I’d ever be completely ready, if it was even possible to be a hundred percent ready for so like that

Teeks later, late on Friday night, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Kyle’s Ca snow Our favorite song, our song, was playing on the radio: Jason Mraz’s “Lucky”, and I sang along Kyle was frowning in concentration, the brights on and still barely able to pierce the pall of falling white He was going barely thirty on a dirt road near our houses which I knew he knew like the back of his hand

“This snow is effing crazy,” Kyle said “I can’t see ten feet in front of ”

“Maybe we should pull over and see if it lets up a little,” I suggested

“No, I’ll be fine We’re not far from home anyway I’ll just take it slow”

I rolled ested it that he wouldn’t pull over and wait We rounded a curve and Kyle let out a curse as the back tires fishtailed I peered through the snow ahead of us and saw the reason for Kyle’s panic: a huge doe standing in the reen-silver in the headlights, stock still and frozen and getting larger by the second He cursed again and downshifted, trying to get the car under control, but the Ca into a flat spin

“Move, goddamn it, you stupid deer!” Kyle shouted as we span closer to the animal

Kyle kne to drive in the snoever, and he puas The Cah a third coravel and snow mixture The front quarter of the car thudded into the deer, and the car shook violently on the impact I screamed and braced my hands on the dashboard, but was unable to look away as the deer was knocked backwards, stuet the car to a stop, the lights bathing the motionless deer in the middle of the road, snow like a curtain of white all around us We were both panting, Kyle’s hands clenching the wheel in a white-knuckle grip

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out, glancing at Kyle He hter I lunged over the gearshifter and wrappednow that it was over and the rush of adrenaline hitinto hter to Kyle He shoved the shifter into park and then pulled me closer I clu hi to his neck He took my face in his hands and pulled ave h y I clenched my fists in the hair at the back of his head, then clawed ht the neck of his shirt and my palasped at the heat of his skin, at the electricity zinging through my body at the feel of his skin

And then he touched ers curled under my coat and under my shirt and palmed the hot flesh of ue dart out to tastewonderfully I brought es of his abs and the slabs ofhis hands around to traceour lips touching, eyes open and sparking intensity between us I held ht his palms upward, bit my lip and drew a deeper breath as his hands cupped the lace of my bra

I felt h the bra, not looking away fro ht was on his knees andwheel He hesitated with his hands cupping both brsts, and I could see hi to push the moment He wanted to touch bare skin I wanted to let hi thrill of his hands on my skin

I reached up and under my shirt, brushed the strap of ers under the edge of the cup, tugged it down and liftedbetween us,open The heater was still blasting, overheating both of us I fuaze to Kyle He atching hting reason

I felt the same war I wanted this with hi else mattered A voice in the back of my head reminded me of my conversation with Becca a couple weeks before I pushed the voice aside Kyle’s hands were roa to my brsts He had both of the ed out of uess myself, I pulled iddy s his lips

“God, you’re so hot,” he breathed, taking in my pale skin and the dark circles of my areolae and the pink buttons ofthe nipple in circles with his thu suddenly exposed, sha with desire I wanted this I liked this It was okay, right? This was Kyle, ht caasp from me I love him? Did I? My heart swelled and ached every ti with hiht? I wanted to be with him all the tiht now,” he said, caressing my breast