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I finally dare to look over at Tristan His expression is neutral, but I can tell he’s confused by the little boy I’ in my ars for weeks now, yet I neverconfused In fact, he can be angry at me I’ll understand I just hope he doesn’t stay ht then and there that Tristan is ih that I don’t want him out of my life just yet, I return ht I’d do

"The uys should totally come over"

And just like that, my wall crumbles and collapses

Chapter 30

Maybe I can sweat it out

Tristan

She has a son She’s had a son this entire ti toyou," Nova says as if she’s read my silence

We’re in the car with the s rolled down, the salty,up the cab as we drive back to the motel In a couple of hours, we’re supposed to head over to Avery’s, and quite honestly, I’ had already started out iffy when I’d tried to call , and he sent s I’ll aduy I thought was her boyfriend or so Then I learned it was her brother, and that she has a son

Holy shit I have no clue what to do with this information

"Honestly, I’m not really surprised," Nova continues on as she flips the visor down to block the glare of the sun "I mean, that she has a kid"

"How the hell aren’t you surprised?" I gape at her froasted "She’s had a kid this entire ti about it"

"Yeah, but there had to be a reason e built that house for her," she says, cranking down the volume of the stereo "And there were a few times I wondered if maybe it’s because she has her own fa" I sluainst the hot leather seat and cross my arms "I told her a lot of personal shit… and itto knohat’s going on with you two"

"I don’t knohat I feel" Which is kind of the truth I feel so s it’s difficult to decipher thery Worthless, as if I wasn’t good enough for Avery to trust ie doesn’t really screa anywhere

I wish I could be different

Better

I thought I was

"I don’t necessarily agree with you two" Quinton is the one to speak this tiely rare occurrence, so it throws Nova and I off Both our heads whip in his direction and he shrugs "I s you can’t tell people so And I’ot to know you enough to trust you So you should be glad she invited you over today because it probably lance in the rearview htful," she tells Quinton while tapping the brakes as she flips on the blinker to turn off the highway and into the uess you had a son"

Quinton shakes his head as he gazes out the sideat the trees and shrubbery bordering the road "No, but back in the day, I was close with one of le parent She would always talk about how she’d never let the guys in her life know about her kid because she orried they’d turn out bad or the relationship would end ugly and her daughter’s heart would get broken"

It grows quiet as I let his words of wisdoht to be upset with Avery over this But it’s still a lot to take in, confusing, ood with kids or if I want to be, never really thought much about it So what does that mean? That I should walk away?

But I don’t want to walk away

I want her

More than I’ve wanted anyone before

I can’t give her up

Give up what she’s given me

"You know, I think that’s the most sentences you’ve ever said in a row," I tell Quinton Nova chokes on a laugh as she aligns the car with the front of our rooine

"Ha, ha, you two fkers are a riot," he says, but he’s grinning as he hops out of the car

Nova renition and opens the door "You are going to go to her little party thing, right? Because I think I ht not like you very much if you blow her off because she has a kid"

"Woay to put it out there just how important I am to you" I reach around the side of the seat to lift the lever

"You are iaze froets out "But you’re iuy, and if you blow off Avery because she’s a uy any the grocery bag in her hand "I’ you have to date her or be her boyfriend If you’re not up for the whole kid thing, then you’re not, but don’t just leave her hanging And you can still be her friend It’s what she wanted anyway, right?" With those final substantial words, she goes inside with Quinton, leavingheat by hbors nowhere to be seen, but the door five spaces down from ours is a painful reminder of how unready I am for all of this, especially when the curtain draws back and Zedd peeks out theHis eyes find rins as he draws a line across his neck with his finger

Shaking my head, I inch closer to the door where I don’t have to look at him I feel disappointed; not only in myself, but because of who I am I wish I could be a better person, one who doesn’t have to stand around and question this--question what kind of person they are One who doesn’t have a twisted past that still haunts him If I was that kind of person, I wouldn’t be here I’d be at Avery’s, talking, listening to her life, joking around with her, all of s

"How can I do this when I can’t even take care of o inside

When I enter the rooht at the deli The roo better?" Nova asks as she sets three paper plates onto the table

"No" I unzipclothes out