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"Anyti if you want me to Tell you all of Tristan’s little secrets that only happen behind the walls of our apart wrong "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I’ether"

"Us three live together," I remind him, kind of thrown off by the hint of jealousy in his voice

"Yeah, I know, but still…" He trails off "Neveronto the subject of this anyway"

The subject of what? Tristan andto get at, but I let it go, deciding it’d be stupid to push him "So what is the weather like over there?"

It takes him a second to answer "Cloudy and windy How’s the weather over in Idaho?"

"Dry and sunny" I scoot back down on the bed and roll to h it’s a little cold"

"Yeah, it’s the same way here, too" He wavers "Nova, we don’t have to talk about ile"

I’h so ether, yet at the same time I don’t really know him, not the sober version, anyway "So what do you want to talk about?"

"How about you and"And e are"

His bluntness makes me stutter "I-I’m not sure how to answer that I mean, I don’t really know the answer"

"Neither do I and I’ure that out or… or if we should" He pauses "God, I just replayed what I said in my head and I didn’t mean for that to coht now, I kinda a to fix ated to wait around for ainst e "You readlike that in your letter?"

"No," I say quickly "And you don’t even have to read it if you don’t want to Or maybe you threw it away already"

"I still have it," he tells me reluctantly "I was just too afraid to read it, afraid of what you said Afraid it ht mean too much"

"You should probably just burn it I sometimes ramble when I write, like when I talk, and I don’t kno you’re going to take the stuff I said"

"I don’t want to burn it And besides, I’ve always liked your rahtful so tone "But try living with it"

He’s silent for aWhether he thinks I’er I wished I could have ain so I could crack his head open and see what on earth he’s thinking

"Nova, I’ to read the letter," he says "I just want to make sure I can handle whatever’s in there"

"I wish I could answer that for you," I say "But I don’t knohat you’re expecting Really, it’s just s I can still barely admit to myself I was actually surprised at what came out of me How much I care for him and how much I see him when I look into the future

"Then I’m not sure I’m ready yet" There’s an ache in his voice "If it’s rejection then I’m worried it’ll break me and if it’s the opposite… if you want me as more than a friend then I’m not sure I’m ready for that, either Because honestly, I’ care ofa little too well It took me over a year to watch Landon’s video after he cooing to shatter h, I didn’t shatter In fact, I started picking up the pieces of my life, but only because I was ready to

"Then wait to read it until you’re ready," I tell hi your friend" It feels like such a huge lie when I say it and actually kind of hurts"So tell h "What does that evenyou’d tell Lea or Tristan"

"Uht" God, I’m so lame

"And what’d you think of it?"

"I fell asleep," I adin with"