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"I know," she says So is still awful, but her knowing, her not being surprised by what I’ the one to break it to her completely--somehow that makes this easier for me And, selfish bastard that I a?" I ask It’s not my place None of this is But Kelly is fa disrespected I need answers so I knohat to do--how to avenge her

"I think…I thinkto the side, her eyesher arms up to stave off the chill I push the heater up a level "I found a text froht Before he could delete it He’s been deleting everything Or at least, I guess he has"

Jared is an idiot Jared is an asshole Jared is a poor excuse for a hu to feel pain, really soon It’s a streah my mind while I sit here in the van with Kelly, our view of simple ti her lip, another tear following along the sa my hand to her face, and she closes her eyes

"You aren’t stupid You are a his name "He doesn’t deserve you"

Several minutes pass I don’t talk Kelly doesn’t talk She lays her head on my hand, and I let her Every now and then her face winces, like it’s being attacked from the inside She wants to cry, but she doesn’t want to break

"Do you want to meet Jackson?" she asks finally

"I’d love to" I sear into reverse to back out of the lot We drive back to her ho and blue trim I’m relieved that Jared’s car still isn’t in the driveway I’m not ready to see him I won’t be able to help myself And Kelly needs to call the shots on this

She helps me from the van, just like she always did I let her pushher parents They look the saer than when I saw hi survived another bout with cancer a year or two ago Kelly brings Jackson over, a tiny hue pumpkin onesie that covers his feet He’s perfect He’s beautiful He’s everything Kelly, and nothing Jared Thank God

Jared doesn’t deserve him either

I hold him for a few minutes, and he doesn’t cry His body feels wars I’ve ever felt--the way his legs jut forward, his hand reaches for nothing, his eyes open and close in slow motion His yawn is adorable And he sh school, swap eive thee and life in Oklahoma It’s a pleasant, safe conversation, but there’s always an undertone of regret when Kelly and I , and I know about it, but there’s nothing we can do to fix it She’s going to have to live through this pain, because even ignoring it would hurt

Kelly pulls her phone from her back pocket, and her brow pinches as she reads a text It’s Jared I know it is I wait for her eyes to meet mine, and she motions for me to follow her to the door She doesn’t want me to see Jared I understand It’s probably best I don’t

I sayexcuses for my quick departure Mom wants h Mom would understand I kiss Jackson’s sh the door back to the van She helps me pack my chair, and I position myself in the driver’s seat

"He’s on his way home Said he’d be about twentyat five stores," she says with a harsh laugh

"Kel, if you need me…if you need , just say the word," I say, and she leans in through theand kissesry

"I know Not today Today we get to have Thanksgiving Jackson gets to have this Andto her side with a heaviness "But tomorrow…he’s out of the house"

The blankness to her stare when she says that last part is serious It’s an expression she’s never rateful I’ve never earned it