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"I got your watch," I say, reaching to the bed and tossing it on his chest The thud it et it"

He looks at it where it lies, his neck craned enough to view it, and his eyes don’t blink for the longest time The watch rises up and doith his slow, ; his expression looks pained Finally, he reaches for it with his hand and flips the band inside out, looking at the inscription, running his thumb over the word just like I did

Then his eyes snap tothe watch, his knuckles al it so hard, but his eyes are on ers--as if he’s trying to cos at once with that look I see how sorry he is, but I also see sofor hiirlfriend," he starts, and I take a deep breath, sitting back down on the bed, e, but my eyes on his--I won’t leave his eyes

"Before ere boyfriend and girlfriend, ere best friends I rade, ate glue to impress her in third, beat up Michael Watson in fifth because he was her boyfriend, stepped on her toes in seventh at the junior high dance, and kissed her ere freshirlfriend--his best friend Kelly is the Always I know it init

"After s in ure out how to make the bench press work for him, and who can handcycle for ten miles I didn’t kno to lift et to the bathroom, or if I would ever be able to drive I watchedWatched my dad do the same And Nate…he couldn’t hide it, so I just watched him cry That was the hardest part, because I didn’t want tofor s like baseball, which, while I know that sounds so very uni And I had to let it go; I had to watch my brother take it over, love it, beco And as much as ht that I found other things to replace it quickly…I didn’t I found darkness And Kelly’s the only one I really told"

His story hitson the ground in front of ers He touches it with a fondness that I’ to understand, with a fondness that scares me, because I don’t know if I can compete with it

"My physical rehab was brutal I’m a lot like you, in that respect," he flashes his eyes fro the corner of his lip "I pushwalls, don’t like there to be things I can’t find a way through or around But I was finding those things everywhere I turned"

I slide froainst my mattress, and my feet pushed in so I can fold my ar to him

"When Nate would visit, we’d play catch If I et it Because it was faster that way, and I couldn’t run and get it hts in the therapy roo And I was getting stronger, but only on the outside Inside…I was dying"

"Kelly would coht, on her way to and fro than she should, and she failed biology our sophoo; she wouldn’t leave She promised me she’d never leave, and I knew she ht, I took advantage of her loyalty I was so fucking depressed that I asked her to help "

The impact his words have on s with one pass and push the tears from my eyes the next I let them fall in front of him I let them slide down my cheeks, and chin, and neck, until they fall to the floor I watch hi deeply, closing his eyes until he opens theet it The watch

"She refused, as I probably knew she would," he says, a painful s "And the next day, she didn’t coht I had pushed her away because of how deep and dark and afraid and hurt I had become And I was okay with that, because in a way, I liked the idea of not dragging her doith s that we had planned, just with someone else I was even okay with the someone else"