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Last night was the first one in a few that I went over to his room alone, without Rowe Nate was at workouts, like he usually is at that time, and their relationship was literally all we talked about And that’s when I started to get the strange feeling that Tysoelse--soht burns a hole inlike a wound, an ulcer trying to interrupt my heart’s rhythm There’s a cloud over me today It’s black And I blame the seed My cloud started to form when I woke up with a little bit of numbness in my toes It faded, but instead of victory, I waited for the next sign of so was rewarded when the numbness was replaced by panic after I realized I completely failed to study forbefore I co a failed exame sloorkouts…where I’ton, and convince hi

My cloud--born froains power every tiht all just be crazy shit I’ve cooked up in my head; in fact, the rational side of my brain knows this to be true But it’s also so da my heart out on this field while he sits on the sidelines watching My black cloud tells me it’s just a matter of time before he cuts me loose, moves on from his project

Stupid seed of doubt and black cloud

I take ton jogs over, slapping ood, Owens Keep this up, I think there’smy slate clean of clouds for a few brief seconds The storirls standing by the cooler next to irl closest to , and pulled into a ponytail She looks strong--fast, too And she’s the only one of the three who doesn’t look like she resents uard still up, albeit a little less

"Right My cousin’s Tab Snyder I thought I recognized you," she says Tabitha Snyder was our goalie in high school--she ended up playing for UCLA, where I would have played if I stayed on the path I was on beforea conversation with one of the girls There’s aluished when she doesn’t answer my question, and instead pretends not to have heard me at all She tosses her paper cup into the trash and eyes me one last time over her shoulder while she slithers back up with her friends

The whistle could not have come at a more perfect moment

I was done

Life is a series of choices Myabout free will, and hoe are like h life, our paths constantly shifting based on whatever choices we h--no matter how many ties to findI should just walk out of the locker roo the door behind ht Butclosed completely, and to lift my feet frole cruel word co from their lips

"I heard she slept with her coach," one of the girls says, her whisper not really much of a whisper at all

"No, it wasn’t her coach," another girl says It sounds like the girl I spoke to, Tabitha’s cousin "It was a teacher She’s a total hood, do you think that’s why she’s out here now? Would coach really put her on the teairl says

"Probably I mean, Coach P is lonely," Tabitha’s cousin says, and the sound of her locker shutting follows, blended with arrogance and laughter

My vision is clouding, but it isn’t fro desperately to keep fro It’s been months since I’ve heard the whispers My fatherwhat a ritten letter froossip But that letter seems only to have power back home--there are new rules here