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Chapter 16

Rowe

He had disappeared I know he still went to class and to practice, because I caught gliht leaves tomorrow, and I haven’t talked to Nate since those few minutes alone in his room

It’s almost as if the universe was on Nate’s side Today’s philosophy lecture was all about self-deterave was as if he was plucking it froes of my own life I love Josh with all of my heart, but I also blame hi to let go and wanting to honor everything he was toto prove that I was his until the very end

Last night, I purchased a few ite the third wheel to Cass and Ty in the cafeteria I packed a small lunch today to eat between et so in before e--if I could find the courage to sit under a tree on the main campus lawn--then Nate would have to see me He walks this path every day on his way to theain

My sandwich is dry because I made it in such a hurry, and I have to chase it with et it down I went a little overboard on the bag of pretzels, packing enough for a Boy Scout troop,so when Nate walked by It has to seem authentic, and I need to be distracted, or else I will just look desperate

I sense his legs crossing the street without even turning my face up, and I sneak a look fro this way For a ut feels heavy But at the last second, I hear his feet pause along the srass, andnext to ive everything away

"Just trying to conquer my demons," I say, honestly Nate kneels down and picks up the book lying open in front of lance up at hiaze His lips are a faint smirk, alht I’ve had of hi in his rooer "When do you leave for Arizona?" He’s still studying ht this minute--he’s nervous too

"To a taxi to the airport," I say,I have to survive to? Nah, that’s easy," he says, handing me my book but careful not to touch his hand to mine The lack of contact hurts "Want my secret?"

I nod yes, but the truth is I want all of him, the parts I’m afraid to ask for, and the parts I’m afraid will break me

"Put Neil Dia, but ‘Sweet Caroline’ is the best, because you can’t help but want to sing along with it," he says, standing and pulling his backpack up along his shoulder "Neil’s got your back"

He winks when he walks away, and I spend the next fifteenif I’ve lost him before I even had hi the book I’ve been reading for ainst the wall

"That’s why I picked business bro Once you get out of those under-grad classes, every book you read is about money, and who doesn’t like to read about ether for emphasis

"No, the book’s fine Actually, I wouldn’t know I’ve read the saodda practice today, too" It’s almost eleven, and I knoe hasn’t hit the showers yet, because I keep checking

"Girl’s s slide when she was justwith you, but now she’s fkin’ up my favorite sport," Ty says in a serious tone I know he’s joking, but I also know he’s a little frustrated on my behalf I told Ty about Rowe’s past, and I know he’ll keep it to himself But my brother has a different perspective on life--he’s all about seizing the rets When I told hiive upthat if she’s been stuck for two years, then nothing’s ever going to break her pattern But I can’t give up yet Even if I wanted to, I don’t think my heart would let me