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She leans into Silas’s side, and he places his hand on her hip I try not to stare, try not to think about what that ? Possessive?

"If it’s okay with you," Dylan says, "that would be great You don’t even have to pick aot soaot soht up, and the professors didn’t really assign anything since it’s Halloeekend But given all the Saturday nights I’ve spent studying, it doesn’t occur to Dylan to question rab o"

I let her and Silas pass lance back at Torres He’s leaning on the fence, and he should look ridiculous in that costuood And not at all happy

WHEN I WAKE to an e, it doesn’t seehts up every corner I thought I’d felt lonely last hen this whole list business started, but no

No, this is loneliness

This experiood I had it It was supposed to get rid of my doubts Well, as experiments are wont to do, it has no care for what I’d wanted the outcome to be

I e breakfast that I couldn’t possibly eat alone, like if I just go aboutfor two, it could ainst the counter because that’s what I usually do when I’ so fast and have so much to do that there’s no time to feel alone

But I’m not busy

I don’t have any homework And for the first ti job like working retail or in an office or anywhere It would giveto do, so to do with roup of friends I couldn’t possibly fit into I wouldI swore I would never, ever do

My grandparents started their own restaurant My parents run it noith occasional help fro for theh school It’s this huge family affair with aunts and uncles and cousins, and they’re so good at putting their hearts into that place, into the food, into every bit of it

But my heart? My heart never wanted any part of it

The restaurant is easy for the out in the kitchen, talking to the e food We’d head to that place every day after school, and he couldn’t wait to get there I dragged h school, Leo thrived Ididn’t I didn’t fit in with the eh, sure It wasn’t like school, where I had to worry about how my differences from the other students could cause me problems But I still didn’tfit And I didn’t kno to talk to customers Leo always earned twice asto be so different And it was exhausting to pretend that I wasn’t exhausted by it The only place I didn’t feel that was the classrooed Where I thrived The only place where there was no one to live up to, no one to fall behind, because it was my domain No one in randparents erated to the States froroomed my mother to take over the restaurant Dad was a waiter at the restaurant, and she fell for hih he was older and Nonna didn’t approve My aunt worked in the restaurant, too By the ti so well that they were thinking about opening a second location

They wanted Leo and oin the restaurant when there was another place where it felt so natural for e I wanted to learn raduate school, probably get my doctorate Other kids balked at the idea of more school I craved it

All I’ve ever wanted for er than the one I grew up in But now I’ that all I did was trade one sht was ht in hts like it and going back to my normal routine of class, sleep, and more class just because it’s safer Easier Far less terrifying

But how long can I live with just safe and easy before ? I’ll have work, sure, but what if I end up not liking it as ht that theto where I want to be Finding a place where I fit But what if it’s not as satisfying as I always thought? What if I got it wrong, and I didn’t like class because I fit there, but because I thrived there? Because it challenged me and pushed me in a way thatquestion isaood I’ plans But I don’t know if that’s the sa I just don’t know

I used to think about the future in teroals and achieveht end up regretting And it’s all this stupid list’s fault And Dylan’s And Mateo’s I was perfectly fine ignoringany other options

Does that ht into his position at the restaurant, no hesitation, no thought to any other future because it’s what he’s good at I’d thought hiuess I am, too

I rinse off my plate and load it in the dishwasher, and then dial , and just by the chaos I can hear in the background, I can tell she’s at the restaurant Probably in the kitchen prepping for the day

"Antonella?" she says loudly "Are you there?"

"Yeah, Mammina I’m here"