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"It’s okay," I tell hiue recollection of hi he’s only said on a handful of other occasions, all of which involved a certain level of inti he probably said to every girl he touched or kissed or flirted with, but it feels different now Feels like that endearhly, pausing to clench a handful in his fists He drops his hand and lowers his chin, his eyes piercing through the floor, and says, "I’m sorry Incredibly sorry"

I close the distance between us and kiss hi that I had assu e Like I’ve just cal down to see how far down it is to the botto I apologize, you kiss me It’s only fair if it works both ways"

At first I think he’s going to blow ot that air about hi it to himself is his only option But then one corner of his mouth lifts for a scant second

"Well, I do like to be fair"

I take that alrin "And I like to say I’m sorry"

He tilts his head to the side and looks attiain But it’s a different kind of danger now, and it’s evendeal I don’t want you to pretend like it doesn’t bother you if it does Don’t do that for me Don’t ever be what you’re not for me I’d rather you tell ht be a , but maybe it’s time I h? Because if I was vague, I apologize What I should have said is that I’ly, and I’ over hoould react, but you took care of me And I’m not sorry for that Not even a little bit sorry But if you need to hear it one more tio from zero to ohbody settles over ers curl around ue strokes every corner of my mouth, and I can’t keep up, so I just bury ht is exquisite on top of me, like he’s pinned me to this moot control He tugs at my shirt where it’s tucked in until it corip hs rests between ainst ainst him He pulls back to breathe but doesn’t leavedown at --" He shakes his head and starts again, "I can’t describe what you do to me I don’t have the words or even know thes I want to do, so many places on your body I want to touch and taste, and I’ to focus on one"

I trail a hand down fro the way he holds ot ti for or how ive, and I don’t want to have that conversation, not right noant to be able to enjoy this without asking questions

"I don’t have anywhere to be"

He lifts himself off me and stands next to the couch When he offers his hand, I take it, and he leads me up the stairs to his room He closes the door once he has me inside, and a trickle of nerves bubbles up into say "I didn’t expect your roos and reaches up to tuck my hair behind my ears

"I’ve not had much in my life that is just mine Makes you determined to take care of what you have while you have it"

"You take care of ht wetight "Are you saying you’reoff hiuess that depends"

"On?"

"On what exactly thatit in his hands, and squeezing just enough to et to touch you like this"

"You’ve already touched me like that"

His hand leaves s He draws a finger along the seaainst me "It means only I can touch you here Only I touch you, period"

I bite down on s I need to say when I want hi to touch o a bit light-headed I fight through the sensation to say what I need to "But I can’t be yours, Silas I’ve spent tooto please other people I need to be my own for a little while" I don’t knohy, but most of my life has feltconditional, like my parents and Henry and everyone else accepted me because I filled these holes in their lives And I made sure I filled theuaranteedto live up to their expectations As long as I was perfect, they would have no need to cut me loose

Except Henry did And for the life of , and ht, perfect doesn’t guaranteeI can’t control whether other people ant me or love me or even like me I can only control how I feel aboutday by day