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Hoas I supposed to help him understand when I barely hadabout Levi getting arrested hadup had spun that tiny proble in theat the time, or in that rickety shack she left ood, always surrounded by people, never athat waspunches over who did or didn’t get groceries My barely there granny who couldn’t read or write, so I had to sign my own permission slips for football and school There was Sean arrested for breaking into houses, leaving ht of hborhood was all about strength, about as big and bad enough to fend everyone else off I hated that neighborhood, hated what it did to my brother, but it was better than what came after When Gram died, andpeople for a place to stay so I didn’t get trucked off with soing

I’d let et about all of that Let myself believe it was behind me because my life here was so much better I was part of a team I had my own bed, my own room even I had friends who had no idea what kind of life I’d had, and they just assu it, too

Then Levi got arrested and it was likejust a layer below this new one, and I can’t explain how thatinto my head

Inevitable

It’s inevitable that I’ll end up back there I forgot to keep running, and now it’s all caught up toit out or diluting it with scholarships and classes and all the other shit I’ve been kiddingelse but who I ah to make it in this place with these people

I can’t explain that to Coach because not saying it out loud is the only thing keeping it froone, I won’t be able to hold it together

Coach finally has enough of my silence and sits down at his desk He’s back to that scary quiet that isn’t the calm before the stormit’s the storm that destroys you because you think it’s not a threat "We’ve got enough battles to fight outside this locker roo trouble inside the tea, and I wait for it to hit

"I don’t tolerate violence on ood you are As of now, you’re suspended One week of practice, and the first two games of the season"

Impact

But it’s not justMy head My heart If it weren’t for the chair, I know I’d have fallen to my knees, too

"Don’t you step back on ht Because I’ve got to tell you, Silastwo gaood for this team, I’ll cut you out like a cancer It will hurt ot in you I know you can hack it, but I’ether I’ve got too many other kids’ dreams in my hands So you better shape up and bet on yourself and prove to me that you’re better than what I saw today"

He scoots his chair back, and I know the conversation is over, but I can’t get up My legs won’t work I can’t piece together words

If my present self is the top layer of skin andinside ans