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In fact, I don’t trusthe ot a breakup instead BecauseI think, I can’t be sure, but I think when he ended itI was relieved And only minutes before I’d been prepared with the word yes on the tip of ue

And that scares the holy hell out of ht? I should knoho I am and what I think and how I feelbut I don’t

I don’t knowhis teeth because his jaw is tight He looks down at his feet and bobs his head in a nod "I get it"

He looks up and asks, "You sure you don’t need a ride ho atat me His eyes are unfocused and just off to the side, and his expression is locked up tight

And I feel so guilty, not just for what I did, but because this isn’t fair to hie of my own indecision

"Thanks That’s really nice, but we can walk It’s not far"

"Okay"

"Okay," I reply I stand there stupidly for a few more seconds and then walk out the door

I turn to say one last thing, and he’s right behindat me now, and I can’t read his expression

"Sorry" I y for all of it, but I’ into hi weird about all this And thank you For everything, not for" I gesture in the general direction of where he gave oing to go Sorry Thanks"

STOP SAYING THANK YOU

I can feel his presence behindwhether it’s worse to stay silent or to make some horrible, aard small talk on our way down the stairs Then I hear the door across the hall, his bedroom, click shut

And I’m alone

And I still have no idea what I want

Chapter 8

Silas