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He trailed off again, lost in thought I slidabout a Christ his head on top ofabout it, because it wasn’t nor in Our dad one But there was this peaceful feeling in the house It was like we got a break, just for thatThere was no anger II re to look at the presents I sat down in front of the tree, just looking I thought it was so pretty I liked looking at them because it made me feel normal--like I had a normal family, a normal holiday I kneasn’t real, but I liked to escape there My ht hot chocolate and cookies, and she sat doith me and looked at the tree"

I moved so I could look up at him A smile played over his face as he spoke

"She asked what I was doing, and I lied I said I was planning which present to steal Usually she’d getI never cared It was better to be alone than hear the anger take your , she didn’t believe ed me and pointed at one of the ornaments ‘What do you see there?’ she asked me"

He shook his head, as if he were back in that roo to his mother "’It’s a baseball ornament,’ I said And she replied, ‘No, it’s one piece’ I didn’t knohat she was talking about, but she pointed to another orna That one was a picture of Mason in a fra until she’d pointed out all of them When she was done, she turned to ether, what do you see?’"

He laughed, shaking his head "I thought I was so s ornanifies a memory Look at them individually and you only see a small section It’s like a puzzle But when you put theether…’" He raised his hands "And she lifted her hands up like this, showing me the entire tree, and said, ‘This tree is our life story All together it’s a o off and start your own tree You’ll start an," I said softly

He shook his head, his eyes hooded "She told me she liked to stare at our Christmas tree, too, because it reminded her of our family’s story, and that always helped her I didn’t knohat it helped her with, and I don’t know if it continued to help her--I’, I had limmer of what it’s like to feel a mother’s love"

He looked at ht now You lost your mom, your ex-boyfriend is a jackass, your dad’s MIA, and I know your two best friends have left you high and dry One left you in the literal sense"

I closed my eyes I didn’t want to see the pain on his face It was hidden in the deepest places where only someone who felt a siht up all ain

"Taylor," he said

He’d never felt hisI’d felt s she’d woken me with pancakes for breakfast, made me a sack lunch even when I didn’t want it, proudly displayed my school pictures on the wall, went to any coht them anymore

"I’ve heard people talk about you, and your ‘family’," I told hiirls in the library talking about you, and they were jealous You guys are so close, so tight-knit, and your walls are so high No one can break ‘em down, and no one can cliirls saying that stuff, and I thought, even though I’d just lost my mom--and dad in a way--I was lucky I had Jason and Claire, even though I know Claire isn’t that great of a friend, but I was actually kinda happy You and I becaood But now…" I clung so tightly to his hand "I feel like I only have you, and I don’t even knohat this is Jason left, and I lost one , and I wasn’t looking at hi to you," I said

"Taylor--" he started

I shook o of his hand "I’ to be one of those girls who pretends this isI had to shut it down, shut hiht now, and instead of having so on to a tree branch It’ll break, and it’ll be destroyed, and I will, too Whatever this is, you and me, I can’t destroy it I can’t"

"You want space? Is that what you’re saying?"