Page 24 (1/2)

Dary strides, spurred on by sha to kiss her I pulled away, trying to be strong, but then she called tome doith the softness of her lips until it was more than I could stand

Her body is a miracle, her kisses like the sweetest poison She unic to where there was nothing but heat and need and aching desire, and Lord, don’t I hate e, like so the pain in her soul After everything she’s been through, she needed me to be a better man, and I failed her Just like the other wretchedup her kindness until she’s broken and in pain She deserved more from me, and I let her down

But that’s what you do My darkest secret rears up, goading me You fail everyone, it’s why you’re all alone You weren’t good enough to keep your wife, or your precious baby girl, so what makes you think it’s any different now?

I turn to the dark ocean, to the stars taunting htness in the sky I sink to the sand, and let the hopelessness consu to God I was better than the broken, flawed man that I am

She needed me, and I let her down

10

I drive ho to ht My rooo curl up on the porch swing, listening to the soothing crash of the waves as I turn my mind to the events of the past few hours

To my surprise, once the hot claw of lust dissolves from my bloodstream, I feel calmer, like my tears have washedwith le on the dock where I finally faced up to all my mistakes and told Garrett the truth, ca I’d done I stripped away ht, and despite everything, I feel stronger soreen and delicate, but new

Now, I have to start again

I take a long breath, the sea breeze sharp and cool in s It’s crazy to be so level-headed when only an hour ago I was gasping, , out of control, but I see it so clearly now, after years of hiding in the dark

Garrett was right

I took everything I went through as a child withthe saain with each new ured out Alexander’s rules, I danced around the eh the motions to keep him happy because that’s what I learned froh, playing to win despite the fact it was all such a hollow victory

I never once asked ould make me happy

I didn’t think there could be another way--to build a life, be with so to the whiuilt inwards, day after day, until I thought I deserved the way he treatedthem down: my mother, Juliet I know they deserved h, but now I see there’s soave her and is worth more than I ever knew