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I should be relieved, but instead, I feel off-balance, like I’e of that empty chasm, the future Unknown A vision of the future rears up, life onthe odd person out at dinner parties, the whispers and side-eyed gossip The endless parade of first dates and set-ups, brushing off the past like it’s a dirty secret, while all around me, my friends have their babies and family vacations; kids’ birthday parties and first days of school--

No

I stopAlexander’s office line It’s after six pht and perky

"Hi, Carina! I’ll see if he’s around"

"No, don’t," I reply quickly "I just have a !"

"Tell him I won’t be able to make the Janssen dinner," I say "Tell him he shouldn’t make any plans for me from now on"

"U else?"

"That’s all"

I hang up, s at his house, credit cards in his naled, messy details to pull apart from his life He won’t make it simple--he may not loveslip in the eyes of all our fancy friends, the clients at his firm There’ll be aard questions at parties for weeks, with hi to trip up to find sory before…

I shut ht now, Alex isn’t est focus should be , eure out before I can make my next move

What move is that, then? a voice taunts me

My day stretches in front ofof sadness Back ho ready for a lunch appointment, or at the salon for a blow-out There would be friends to catch up with, shopping to do, dinners to plan, groceries to buy for Alexander’s favorite meals It wasn’t important work, sure, but it was my life: a routine of tasks to span my days, full of activity and purpose

Now, I don’t knohat I’ room, now all different from hohen ere kids There’s new furniture, different curtains hanging from the s My eyes land on the corner of the room, a solid shape draped with fabric and covered with stacks of books and old photos