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I thought he felt it too: how his eyes blazed into mine, full of fierce emotion, as if I was all he’d ever wanted in the world The tenderness in his expression as he tucked asped as he plunged into ain…

But as I think back over everything, I realize with a shiver that for all the laughing, and talking, and ht, we never actually talked about anything real The future What the hell this is between us now What he wants from me Why the hell he broke o

My stomach twists as my mind races back, even further, over the past few days since I came to town I pour over every encounter, every word, with new anxiety rising What I re about feelings--just desire He never said he cared about ainst all his better judgment

Maybe this is all he ever wanted fro chorus, and soon I can’t help it: I findback, to the one memory I’ve forced myself never to revisit That day The one that took everything I love and tore it away froo…

It was after the funeral, already officially the worst day of my entire life First the service, full of empty platitudes, then the slow procession to the cloudy cliff-top Eh, but I couldn’t speak, even if I tried We open the urn, and I watch her ashesinto nothingness right in front of my very eyes

There’s a reception after, back at the house, but I can’t deal with it My dad is playing the heartbroken , as if it wasn’t his fault, every minute of it So I take E nowhere, until ind up parked under a grove of trees down a dirt road soainst the windscreen

And then I reach for hirief All I want is to bury edy ofbetter The only good thing I have left

But he pushes me away And when he turns to face er’s

"I can’t deal with this shit, Jules"

His words cut through ape at hi from And today of all days?

"It’s all… this is way too heavy" Eh his hair, then slaainst the wheel "Fuck I don’t kno to do this!"