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I sip ia for those early, sies of e unraveled, one harsh insult at a ti, I just couldn’t see it then Back when I was younger, I didn’t notice the wayfor the sun I didn’t see the contempt in his eyes, as he looked at his faht after one too many drinks

I often wonder what it cost her, to hide it fro all her strength to act like nothing rong

I shake off the arden shed set up on the far side of the property It’s just a hut, wooden planks and a tarp roof, but I set my textbooks aside and walk across the lawn as if drawn by a rass

I reach the shed, and raise one hand, slowly pushing the door open The hinges screech and stick, but it opens I step inside

It’s dark: s covered with thick black drapes to block out all the light I open the door wider, and blink to adjust to the shadows Slowly, my eyes start towork-bench, plastic washing buckets, a shelf full of che exactly the way I left it

The darkroorandrapher in the fah to randma wouldn’t complain about the chemicals and mess He showedthe print on special paper, then soaking it in the chee became clear

I practically lived in here, that su onbehindtrail downover my body…

No! I warnabout that

I go to the shelves, and pull out an airtight box Inside, I find canisters of undeveloped filently It’s dusty, but undalass viewfinder, the settings that twist under s there, yet another re I left behind in this town that fateful suhtness settles throughwhile, not for oneof lenses hanging from the door, then turn on my heel and stride back to the house I stop only to pull on my bikini and a pair of denim cut-offs, then I quickly lock up the house and slide into the Caer seat

Study and packing can wait I need a break, and I know just the place to go

I drive out of town for about fivea dusty back road The popular beaches are all back by the Cove: sheltered flat golden sands, and easy access to frozen drinks and ice-cream treats Out here, the dunes are wild and untamed; waves whipped by the wind, unprotected I climb out of the car and leave rains betweenthe tension flow out of , just me and the ocean

I load a fresh film into the ca to use your hand after you’ve been sleeping on it and it’s all numb, but I click and wind on the film, and slowly, it all comes back to me Color, and texture, and the twist of focus Andat the world one step removed

I clamber up the dunes and then race down to the beach in a rush of energy Thele I reach the ocean, and wade in, shrieking a little as the cold water surges against s

There’s a bark froolden Labrador joins

I snap a few photos of hiot a y old tennis ball in his mouth, so I lever it out and then fake throw it "You want to go fetch?" I tease hier and bouncing, a ball of shaggy energy "OK, go!"

I toss the ball in to shore, and the dog takes off, bounding after it I follow his path, zoo in to shoot more photos Thendown from the dunes

I freeze

Eht: casual in cut-off denim and bare feet, his nad torso tanned and cut He bends down to pet the dog, grinning affectionately, then sends hi off down the beach to fetch a piece of driftwood He looks like a different person to last night, relaxed and carefree More like the man I used to know

But that’s just because he hasn’t seen me yet

I lower my camera, my stomach suddenly tied up in knots I want to run and hide, but out here on the ept beach, there’s no hiding I watch anxiously as he straightens up, scanning the shoreline His eyes land on me, and even fro pause For ato just turn around and leave without a word, but then he raises his hand in a hesitant wave