Page 42 (1/2)

"I think I would have liked her"

I runthe sweet peach scent of her "You would have loved her She was sassy, just like you"

"You think I’ to be polite I think you’re a lot hs "I don’t know if I should be insulted or not"

"Never" I want to kiss her, but my shoulderher "

She squeezes back "I think you’re pretty a there against me, before she asks, "What about yourwound I’ve got"

"I’ on her in the paper, so--"

"My mom killed herself exactly one year after my sister disappeared She climbed into the bathtub and slit her wrists while ot ho else Neither does she At least not for a while There doesn’t see to say

Finally, when I can’t take the silence any longer, I tell her, "I’ to do"

She nods, doesn’t even pretend to disagree In fact, she doesn’t say anything else for a long tiht have fallen asleep I’h on painkillers, when she whispers, "It wasn’t your fault"

Suddenly I’ain "Don’t," I tell her

"Why not? Somebody has to What happened to April wasn’t your fault It just happened, Z The way terrible shit sometimes happens There are all kinds of psychos in the world You aren’t responsible for what they do"

"My mother--"

"Your ine how devastating April’s death was to her She was lost and sad and miserable after April and she made a selfish, selfish decision She let herself drown in the pain That’s all Still not your fault"

"If I hadn’t gone to the bathrooht have gotten you, too Then you’d be dead right along with April Is that what you really want?"

"I wish it had beenthe words I’ve never dared to say out loud before The words that have beenhave beeninside me that it had been me that day in November and not April

"I know But it wasn’t" She burrows into me, kisses my neck "It wasn’t, and I will thank God every day that it wasn’t I love you, Z I love everything about you, and the idea that you ht not exist in this world--I can’t even iine it"

It’s her turn to cry,a little, too Eleven years I didn’t cry, and now that I have this beautiful, beautiful girl in my arh, as she runs her lips over my cheeks and jaw and nose and forehead "Pro"

She stops, looksto ask yet"

"It doesn’tfor you?"

"Proain, you’ll talk toso we can work through it together"

"I’, in case you haven’t noticed Or the talking thing"

"Believe lare, "I’ve noticed But I’ive you the benefit of the doubt if you pro, whatever you need to do to cope with it, I’ll deal with, too I swear, I will But you have to talk to me You have to trust me to be there for you the way you are for ain, but I think that’s okay I think she wantsBecause we both know she’s asking a lot And I don’t know if I’ive it to her I really don’t But I knoant to try She’sher, then I’ to have to find another way to cope Because I never want to hurt her like this again

"You’ll probably have to drag it out of ru vulnerable, in case you haven’t noticed"

"Yeah, I noticed"

"And I’ll probably never be cohs "Baby, that possibility was never even on the table"

"And yet you’re still here"

"That’s what you don’t get, Z As long as you try, as long as you don’t shut ood it gets, I will always be right here next to you"