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Then came the tears There were a lot In fact, I was pretty sure they’d never turn off I’m not even sure why, other than it felt like I was a vaht for the first ti seemed to take away the pain

But then my mom and I started to talk We talked about my dad We talked about Landon We talked about me We talked about what I did We talked and talked and talked She got angry and I cried She cried and I cried

"Nova," she said through tears "I feel like this is all my fault I knehen your father died… how he died… that you saw it, that it had to be hard for you, but I never forced you to talk about it with ested it"

"But I couldn’t talk about it with you," I’d replied, hugging a pillow against my chest, balled up on the bed "You were sad yourself"

"I’ my hair away from my forehead, like I was still a little kid, andback in tiin with "It’s "

"I didn’t want to make you hurtwe should have hurt together"

We started to cry again, and it see to stop, but finally, like al always eventually does, our tears faded

It’s been over a month since I ran away from the concert, andtie, but it took all this tiotten So, through life, I lostto heal ed to take out the sketches Landon’s parents gave toaway from them They really were beautiful sketches, and it hurts to think that his talent doesn’t exist anymore, but I have a piece of his talent still--a piece of him--and I’ll always hold on to it I’ve finally accepted his death, and it’s good to re that it’s okay It’s okay to hurt It’s okay to cry It’s okay to ado

Not everything is easy and perfect, though I still needsoet lost init pass instead of searching for a quick Off switch I feel it, I move with it, and then I move past it

And I don’t have to roup where people can talk about loss, specifically related to suicide It helps to hear stories, to know I’m not the only one to wonder soto one when I’m back at school I’ve also finally picked a major Film I’m still not one hundred percent sure if I want to stick with it, but it’s a start to working on soht do ait one step at a ti the past, getting better, and trying to create a future And I know I’ll be able to because I want to And just like h, anything’s possible

I haven’t talked to Quinton since I left Delilah stopped by e, and I’ her up withback to school, so her third visit

"I’ rooo into my room, afraid of e’d do behind closed doors, and I was okay with that I’m afraid of closed doors, too

"I don’t think you should stay," I’d said, noting how thin she was starting to look "There’s nothing here, really"

"There’s Dylan And my life," she replied snippily "And that matters to me"

Her pupils ide and shiny, and she had this funny smell to her She’s also chopped her hair off and her skin was a little pallid I could tell she was on so in front of h school This was her alter ego A darker side of her A reflection in a cracked o, but it was hard "But if you change your mind, I leave on Friday and you can coot up from the couch, left my house, and I haven’t seen her since

"Are you sure you just don’t want to stay ho out the last of the boxes, the one that carriesthe pink druh I haven’t played theht

"Are you seriously trying to talka section of my drums onto the leather backseat of the cherry-red Nova I’ it back to school, which is scary, but it’s one of oals Besides, it’s whatthe trunk closed "No, but I worry" She walks up to rab ot you back and now you’re leavingher, without fear or restraint "I know, but it’s a good thing, Mo on"

"I know, Nova," she hugs htly to the point that I can barely breathe "And I’ to me Whether you think so or not, you’re a brave person" She pulls back and looksdown the wrong path"