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"Hold on to my hand," Landon shouts over thearound at the people tripping out of their shappen to you"

I placeme in front of him, so he can walk behind me with his hands protectively on y band, but their playing one of their softer, sultrier songs

We’re in a do to their lyrics and watching thee, I can’t help but wish that ere outside, underneath the sparkling stars, because it would add to theyourself?" Landon whispers in ainstI’ve shutmy head back so I can look in his eyes "Are you?"

He nods with a hint of a smile on his lips "I am You’re like the only person I do have fun around while I’ hollowness in his eyes

I turn around and loop my arms around his neck "Why? What’s so special about ure that out," he says with his hand against the small of my back and his forehead wrinkled

It ly and uni my arms away, because I’ his head

"No, I didn’t mean it like that, Nova," he insists "In fact, that ca lu down at ers "I’ to read his own thoughts through his reflection in shis arms around my waist "Let’s just enjoy ourselves"

"Okay…" My voice gets lost in theat it "I love you Nova… I alill… no ht as a stray elbow ra s their ar their heads And everywhere I look I see Landon’s honey-brown eyes and inky-black hair, only sometimes the hair shifts to short and brown and suddenly Quinton is everywhere, a sea of replicates that need to be helped And then I see the one ihtly frayed, like it was about to break, and all I could think as I fell to the floor was: Why couldn’t it just break?

"God damn it" I clutch at round, knowing that there’s a good chance that I’et trampled, especially if I’m near the mosh pit

But I don’t care I’m too lost in Landon He would always say that, that he’d love ht it was just so it because he wanted me to know he loved s me no sense of relief, because that would mean that prettyin the dirt at a concert that I really don’t want to be at My hands are getting stoet up I’ to have a panic attack, which has happened a few tih it and that it would pass, but how the hell can I whenrestricted?

"Nova, what the fuck?" A voice rises over the shouting and rabs round

It’s not the voice I want to hear, neither Landon’s nor Quinton’s Instead, Tristan stands in front ofmy arm, and he looks pissed off for soripshis hand out in front of hi path for us "You can’t just sit down in the middle of this shit"

I trip over h the people Ultimately we break free from the chaos and step out into the mellower tent area My head empties a little, but not a lot In fact, the noise and loudness that’s di inside my head You didn’t find hile rasp as we reach our tents "That thing about being the driver?"

"Because…" He drags his hands through his hair, s it out of his eyes, and he leaves his hand on the top of his head, his elbow bent out to the side "Look, I fucked up, okay? I shouldn’t have said it It doesn’t bring anyone back" He turns around, clutching the back of his neck, and hikes over to the tent

I know very little about Tristan, other than he’s s, but he’s actually really sh he failed most of his classes, he always did well on tests, but he just never turned in his homework I don’t knohat his likes and dislikes are, or what he does besides smoke a lot of weed and drink I’ve never met his parents I don’t know if he has any sisters or brothers But he’s always seeuy, and so it doesn’tto Quinton that would hurt him

He ducks in the tent and zips up the door Seconds later, se over to the cooler, open the lid, and take out a beer I pluck the fraglass, wipe the condensation on the side of my shorts, then sit down on the cooler and drink the beer while I survey the crowd from a safe distance Delilah and Dylan’s tent occasionally shakes, and I’ sex inside it

How did I get here? To this place? This moment? This life?

I sit on the cooler for a while, drinking the beer, watching the stage, listening to the rhythe The more alcohol that enters my system, the more calm I feel The sky dims, and Delilah and Dylan come out and wander off so beer when Quinton earette in his hand, his brown hair is wet, along with the top of his shirt, and it looks like he’s been crying

I lower the bottle from my lips and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand "Why is your shirt wet?"

He points over his shoulder withouteye contact with me "Some asshole dumped a bucket of water on me when I walked by"

"Are you okay?" I ask, not really referring to the water

He shrugs, reaching behind his head, and tugging off his shirt "It’s just a little water" He tosses the shirt toward the tent and thentohis chest and sto vertically down the ht over his heart He opens the lid to the cooler and grabs a beer, thewith his movements, and the names tattooed on his arm ripple Ryder and Lexi There’s also the phrase no one below the names Who are Ryder and Lexi? Why do they mean so much to him that he’d permanently tattoo a reminder of them of them on his body? And who’s no one?

When he stands up straight with a beer in his hand, he notices aze I start to ask him what they mean, but he covers the tattoos with his hand, and the harsh look in his eyes makes me snap my mouth shut He unscrews the cap off the beer, and then he lets his head fall back as he nearly guzzles half of it in one large gulp Lowering the bottle fro alcohol off his lips