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I glance down at the drawing of Nova’s eyes and then at the drawing of Lexi oned me forever

"Quinton," Lexi whispers, and even though her eyes are open, they’re glazed over and I can tell she can’t see me "Just promise me that…"

Tears strearound and move it onto low of the round below us "It’s okay, baby…" I fight back the tears, knowing I have to be strong because I’ In fact, I feel nu happen to you I promise"

She shakes her head froed, and she clutches et me, no matter what That you’ll always love me more than anyone else"

"Of course," I say, with ic pulse, and the longer tioes on between each beat "Lexi, that’s a stupid thing to say, though, because you’re going to be fine" I’ froles

But I found her phone, and the na&iuet here in ti will be okay; they can fix her, ht

I focus on the uneven rhyth to God she can hold on If I can just keep concentrating on it, she’ll keep breathing She has to

"Quinton," she says in a feeble voice, and I can no longer choke back the tears Hot tears spill down my cheeks, and I reach up and wipe the my head out of the "

I start to cry,down "It’s not your fault" I et out "I should have just pulled the da sorry I proo of you I pros better" She tries to s to make someone really happy…"

"Yeah, you…" I trail off as she shuts her eyes It’s the last thing I say to her, and I wish it was the last thing I ever say Maybe if I lie doith her and try hard enough, I can getradually walk up to the drawing of Lexi on the wall beside the , study the dark lines I put on the paper when I wanted to capture the perfection of her body "Is it breaking the promise if I’m friends with her? Because I want to be friends with her, despite howmy promise to you, but I don’t know any to push his way through and ain, because she looks so sad and lonely" I pause, waiting for son or answer

The roo et it over with End hts and memories and self-hatred behind like I’ve wanted to do for a year now instead of wasting space and breaths But I don’t see to happen, even though nothing ever does

I back away fro h I want to remain stuck in the past

Chapter 9

July 10, Day 56 of Su a little break frouys for the last couple of days It’s been neither a good break nor a bad one, which is beco is bad Everything just exists, like

Despite et Quinton or his sadness out of my head I want to learn irl in the picture, but he seeht her up I tried to search hi and nosy onelse about him, other than he likes art, he lived in Seattle, and he smokes weed But there are too many Quinton Carters, and I couldn’t find the one I was looking for, not even on Facebook or any other social media network The more I search and coet, but I think there’s an underlying reason tofrom how I connect Landon to Quinton It feels like I’ve stepped back into the past again, ht of the world on his shoulders, and I can’t figure out the reason why

I wake up a couple ofmore jumbled than I usually do I count the seconds it takes the sun to move over the hill line, just like I always do, but there’s no sense of order and coet out of bed and take a shower, then head to er I stare at it, thewhat exactly he said on it Are there answers to hts? Stuff about us? Shit, what if there is? What if this whole tiht here, butin the way