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His words tear at my heart, because they’re so similar to what Landon used to say to me all the ti ood when I don’t even know if I ah, or if I’ out on hiout an ugly side of me "How do you knohat I want? You don’t even know me"

"And you don’t even know me," he says callances over his shoulder at Tristan, who’s distracted by the pipes in the kitchen, and then he leans in toward ht You don’t want to be here, sitting with o to concerts You don’t want to knowfucked-up world I live in, Nova Trust me"

With a neutral expression, I slant forward and snatch a lighter and one of the unlit joints from off the table "You don’t know me, either, and you don’t knohat I want, so don’t try and tell , or at least that’s what I used to believe Right now, I feel different I don’t care about right or wrong I don’t care about anything

With an unsteady hand, I place the joint inlooks, I cupI can handle it Nothing can prepare h As soon as the sasp for air I lean forward, sticking ers, wanting to get the joint as far away from my face as possible

"Shit, Nova, are you okay?" Tristan hurries around the couch, removes the joint from my hand, and extends his hand out to the side of hiet the s? You don’t do this shit"

"You don’t knowwhile my eyes water

Quinton frowns as he retrieves the joint froiveshard not to laugh at ers, then he places the end between his lips, and his chest rises as he takes a deep inhale and holds it in He balances the joint in the ashtray and relaxes back in the chair, letting his head fall back as he breathes out the cloud of so ho his hand over his face, as Tristan drops down in the sofa beside hi heavy

It feels like I should still be irritated at hi Myand need for control are silent Silence Without even knohat I’ it because I want to understand, because the secondhand sment, or because I actually want to do it, I slide rab the joint Quinton turns his head and watcheshis exact movements, I let my chest expand as I suck in a breath, then I trap the s and waiting, then finally I let it out, falling off the edge co to be to climb back up Or if I’ll even want to

Maybe this is what I’ve been searching for during the last year Maybe I’ve been waiting around to fall Maybe I don’t knohat I want or who I aure stuff out

Or

Chapter 7

Quinton

This is an honest-to-God first for --or falling to the floor, depending on how you look at it--and I can’t bask in the detached feeling Nova’s got lossy, and I can tell she’s struggling to keep her eyelids open I don’t like how caught up I ah so I don’t have to worry or think, but sos, but what I’d like to figure out is why What ?

I tried to talk her out of sood, sober one--would have snatched it right out of her hand, because it’s obvious she’s never s But I’one, and before I know it Tristan, Nova, and I are squished on the couch, sharing a king-sized bag of Doritos, staring at the movements on the cracked computer screen as the screen saver dances to the beat of theto tell us so?" Nova asks with a dazed look on her face as she analyzes the pink-and-green strearabs a handful of Doritos and drops them into his mouth; half of thehts on the screen"

I have my arm draped on the back of the couch and Nova’s hair is scattered onto coexist with the lyrics"

She brings her lip in between her teeth as she glances up at irl looks atat me, I’d take her back to ood insidehtful," I say "Just thoughts"

She nods, like she gets what I’ sense to et ju at her eyes with her fingertips