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"I could report this," he says
"No," I reply "I don’t want them to think I’m scared"
He nods He moves his thuured you would say that"
"You think it would be a bad idea if I sat up?"
"I’ll help you"
Four grips my shoulder with one hand and holds my head steady with the other as I push h roan
He hands me the ice pack "You can let yourself be in pain," he says "It’s just me here"
I bite down on my lip There are tears on es theest you rely on your transfer friends to protect you froht I was," I say I feel Al’s hand against ain, and a sob jolts my body forward I press my hand to my forehead and rock slowly back and forth "But Al…"
"He wanted you to be the sation," Four says softly "He hurt you because your strength made him feel weak No other reason"
I nod and try to believe him
"The others won’t be as jealous if you show some vulnerability Even if it isn’t real"
"You think I have to pretend to be vulnerable?" I ask, raising an eyebrow
"Yes, I do" He takes the ice pack froainst er to relax my arm to object Four stands up I stare at the hem of his T-shirt
Sometimes I see hiht of hi to want to march into breakfast tomorrow and show your attackers they had no effect on you," he adds, "but you should let that bruise on your cheek show, and keep your head down"
The idea nauseates me
"I don’t think I can do that," I say hollowly I lift et it" Heat rises into htens ataround the ice pack "Touched you," he repeats, his dark eyes cold
"Not…in the way you’re thinking" I clear my throat I didn’t realize when I said it hoard it would be to talk about "But…al that eventually, I have to say so
"What is it?"
"I don’t want to say this," he says, "but I feel like I have to It is ht, for the tiht eyebrows are dra over his eyes My stoood point but I don’t want to ad I don’t kno to express; I want to press against the space between us until it disappears
I nod
"But please, when you see an opportunity…" He presses his hand to , and tilts lint They look alh shakily "You’re a little scary, Four"
"Do me a favor," he says, "and don’t call " He takes his hand from my face "Yet"
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I DON’T GO back to the dor in the same room as the people who attacked me just to look brave would be stupid Four sleeps on the floor and I sleep on his bed, on top of the quilt, breathing in the scent of his pillowcase It s heavy, sweet, and distinctly male
The rhythm of his breaths slows, and I prop myself up to see if he is asleep He lies on his stomach with one arm around his head His eyes are closed, his lips parted For the first ti as he is, and I wonder who he really is Who is he when he isn’t Dauntless, isn’t an instructor, isn’t Four, isn’t anything in particular?
Whoever he is, I like him It’s easier for me to admit that to myself now, in the dark, after all that just happened He is not sweet or gentle or particularly kind But he is sh he savedThat is all I need to know
I watch the muscles in his back expand and contract until I fall asleep
I wake to aches and pains I cringe as I sit up, holding my ribs, and walk up to the small mirror on the opposite wall I am almost too short to see myself in it, but when I stand on my tiptoes, I can see my face As expected, there is a dark blue bruise onhall like this, but Four’s instructions have stayed with me I have toweak
I tie my hair in a knot at the back of my head The door opens and Four walks in, a towel in hand and his hair glistening with shoater I feel a thrill in my stomach when I see the line of skin that shows above his belt as he lifts his hand to dry his hair and force ht I wish it didn’t
He touches ertips "Not bad," he says "How’s your head?"
"Fine," I say I’ers over the bump, and pain prickles overin the river
Every htens as his hand drops to ot kicked He does it casually, but I can’t move
"And your side?" he asks, his voice low
"Only hurts when I breathe"
He smiles "Not much you can do about that"
"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing"
"Well," he says, "I would only go if there was cake"