Page 21 (1/2)
"What was that?" I demand
Tobias presses the DOWN button for the elevator and doesn’t look at me
"It was necessary," he says
"Necessary for what?" I say
"What, you’re feeling sorry for hi toward me with a scowl "Do you kno many times he did that to me? How do you think I learned the ht break It did seeone over the steps in his mind, recited the words in front of athe other part this time
"No," I say quietly "No, I don’t feel sorry for hih; it could be the thing that breaks me "You haven’t cared about what I do or say for the past week; what’s so different about this?"
I am almost afraid of him I don’t knohat to say or do around the erratic part of hi just beneath the surface of what he does, just like the cruel part of me We both have war inside of us Sometimes it keeps us alive Sometimes it threatens to destroy us
"Nothing," I say
The elevator beeps as it arrives He gets on, and presses the CLOSE button so the doors shut between us I stare at the brushed h the last ten minutes
"This needs to stop," he said "This" was the ridicule, which was a result of the interrogation, where he admitted that he joined Dauntless to escape his father And then he beat up Marcus--publicly, where all the Dauntless could see it
Why? To salvage his pride? It can’t be It was far too intentional for that
On my way back to the cafeteria, I see a Candor man walk Marcus toward the bathroom He walks slowly, but he isn’t hunched over, which e I watch the door close behind hiotten about what I heard in the Amity compound, about the information my father risked his life for Supposedly, I remind myself It may not be wise to trust Marcus And I proain
I dawdle outside the bathroom until the Candor man walks out, and then walk in before the door has a chance to shut properly Marcus is sitting on the floor by the sink with a wad of paper towel pressed to his loat?" he says "Get out"
"No," I say
Why am I here, exactly?
He looks at ht you could use a reet from Jeanine, you won’t be able to do it alone, and you won’t be able to do it with only the Abnegation to help you"
"I thought ent over this" His voice is muffled by the paper towels "The idea that you could help--"
"I don’t knohere you get this delusion that I’m useless, but that’s what it is," I snap "And I’ about it All I want to say is that when you stop being delusional and start feeling desperate because you’re too inept to figure this out on your own, you knoho to come to"
I leave the bathroom just as the Candor man comes back with an ice pack
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I STAND BEFORE the sinks in the woun resting on o; she seemed confused that I did not wrap my hand around it and put it somewhere, in a holster or under the waistband of my jeans I just let it stay there, and walked to the bathroom before I started to panic
Don’t be an idiot I can’t set out to do what I’un It would be crazy So I will have to solve this proble in the next five minutes
I curl er, then the others The weight is faer I release a breath
I start to lift it, bringing un out froht un like this to defend my father and brother from si Tobias in the head It is not inherently evil It is just a tool
I see a flicker of movement in the mirror, and before I can stop myself, I stare at my reflection This is how I looked to hi like a wounded aniun fall from my hands and wrap my arms around my stomach I want to sob because I knoill make me feel better, but I can’t force the tears to co at the white tiles I can’t do it I can’t take the gun withto
"Tris?" Someone knocks I stand and uncross my arms as the door squeaks open a few inches Tobias steps into the roo to eavesdrop on Jack," he says
"Oh"
"Are you?"
"Why should I tell you? You don’t tell ht eyebrows furrow "What are you talking about?"
"I’ Marcus to a pulp in front of all the Dauntless for no apparent reason" I step toward him "But there is a reason, isn’t there? Because it’s not like you lost control; it’s not like he did so to provoke you, so there has to be a reason!"
"I needed to prove to the Dauntless that I am not a coward," he says "That’s all That’s all it was"
"Why would you need to" I start
Why would Tobias need to prove himself to the Dauntless? Only if he wanted theard Only if he wants to beco in the shadows in the factionless safe house: "What I a is that you become important"