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"Perhaps we should have told them from the start," my father whispered

"They’re only children," ht children"

"In a few years" MyI heard ht, love," he said Darkness, the click of the door "All right"

I didn’t question it I was so wars I didn’t yet understand Everything would coether in time

When e up I avoided theency I let my parents back in, the way I did when they were alive, let their voices flutter through les froht, and I reach up to grab it

Chapter 21

THE NEXT DAY I o to the kitchen and force down a bowl of oat nauseous, I sit very still until the feeling passes I take the aspirin Claire gives ht I wash the dishes I say nothing about the fistful of blond hair that cathan the ailainst an old car covered by a tarp, to catch s Pieces so rusted that I can’t tell what they are line the shelves Jars full of bolts, nails, safety pins Things that are of no use to h the motions of a well person I don’t know if anyone is truly convinced, but Claire didn’t complain when I scrubbed the bathroo roo inventory on what supplies are running low and writing up a shopping list

I just need a fewthe haze froone We have no living relatives, and ays kept to ourselves

What I know for certain is that if he believes I’without purpose There are so irl’s body, and Roould have stayed long enough to search all of theone by now If he’s looking for me at all, it means he thinks I’o about finding hiot lost, it was best to stay in one place so that I’d be easier to find But now my brother and I are both in motion He won’t be back here to find me, that’s for sure

Ito reason out a plan I take comfort in the chores, menial and repetitive Gabriel helps me fold towels and tells me I don’t look as pale any to be kind, because I still feel as lousy as ever But I e to keepthe wet dishes as I hand them over

"Much better," I say

"Well, you still look like crap," he says "I’ain I don’t h-a-thons"

"Because you have such pressing engagelad that Gabriel and I will have the room to ourselves nonetheless When I climb onto the mattress beside him, he reaches overhead to turn off the lamp

"You seem better," he says, with so much relief that I don’t dare tell hih, tilt my head toward his, and just nod

I don’t want to talk about how I feel I don’t want to talk about how long we’ll be in this place, or how long it will take to find my brother, or if I ever even will I don’t want to talk about anything that relates to ti since you’ve smiled"

There’s a pause in the darkness, and then a soft laugh from him "Where did that colow of Silas’s clock "Just saying"

"This hasn’t been a s sort of time," he says

I stretch my arms up over ree?"

We both give ser acrossup ," he says, not without affection "You never stop ht now," I say I’Jenna said toeverything pink and yellohichon the trampoline, sweaty, exhausted We’d ju at first, but then just gasping, forcing ourselves higher and higher, taking turns propelling each other up, up, up like dying birds with just enough will to try to take flight

Then, in the stillness, she’d reached for hosts of her little sisters She never mentioned them, and I never knew their na one of Cecily’s tantru how she’d cared for them