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My eyes go to Lex His leg is shaking, causing a shuddering in his entire body thatHe see but faded blue

"You were poisoned," he says "I don’t knohat exactly it was, but it icked I thought giving you so to sleep would help nu out for hours"

Was I crying out? I recall twisted dreae "Poisoned?"

The coer My brother is tearing at his thu moment, Lex says, "That Harlan wo with her often"

I can’t untangle myself from the drowsiness, not fully I want to close my eyes, but I’ve no desire to claay up froain to sit up, and this tiainst the wall so I can lean into it

"Ms Harlan did this?" I ask I never trusted her and never understood what she wanted with me, but I didn’t think she wanted aveorders," Lex says "I’ured out you were innocent in all of this You weren’t involved"

I press the heel of my hand to my forehead "I don’t understand"

Lex raises his head, and it’s as though he’s seeingis the one anted you to die Your only cri a part of this family He intended to have us all killed You,arrived for us this ," Alice says "We didn’t take the would have no reason to suspect they wouldn’t take their dosages Alice doesn’t like to lie, even on the pharovernment that stole her child She would suffer the sadness of that termination procedure a thousand times before she’d take the pills meant to leave her numb

"Where are Mom and Dad, then?" I say

My brother turns his face to the floor again, as though to look away Alice sits back on her heels and ss My question goes unanswered

"Lex Where are Mom and Dad?"

There is a moment of perfect silence Of oblivion In that moment I can build a house out of my memories and I can be safe there, alls and s that are sealed tight, no room for reality to sneak in And then he says, "They’re dead"

The poison returns to h s My vision is tunneling The heaviness on ht of Internht," I whisper

"It was too late," Lex says "There was nothing I could do I don’t knohy it took so long for the poison to affect you, but you were the only one I could do anything for"

I think of my mother on the bed, turned away fro I wouldn’t have thought to listen for her breathing "That’s the real reason you put me to sleep when Alice went downstairs, isn’t it? You didn’t want an Barely hanging on You wouldn’t have been able to handle knowing"

"We very nearly lost you too," Alice says

"You’re the first person I’ve knoho survived that wos," Lex says "I knew she was responsible the moment you said her na"

"Why--ould they want us dead?"

Lex is wringing his shirt in his hands now He doesn’t answer

Finally Alice says, "Tell her"

Lex shakes his head "She can’t be hearing these things right now She needs rest"

I’d like to argue, but I can’t th My throat is dry and it hurts to breathe Tears won’t co about ht I have done all I could to be co city, and still I’ve been restless I’ve taken all the right pills and said the right things, and I have never been satisfied Nohen I should be crying, all I can think of is the ground Of those faded, wonderful patches of earth, each color a different city All the people who must be down there How easy to be lost Not like here, where you can run only so far before everything finds you

I wonder if, surrounded by so round, they marry in dozens and droves I wonder if their capacity to love stretches out further I wonder if it would seem silly to them that there’s only one person I want to coht that he’s dead too