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"Richard Gere is co up "And Ethan Hawke, Bill Gates, Tupac Shakur, Billy Idol’s brother Dilly, Ben Stiller and Martin Davis are also coroan "Jesus, let’s just invite George the Pee Drinker and his good friend Woody the Dancing Amputee"

"So is Will S me

"Just apprise me of the crouton situation" I stop in front of the velvet curtains leading into the VIP room

"The croutons are in excellent shape and we’re all incredibly relieved," JD says, bowing

"Don’t mock me, JD," I warn "I will not be o in," JD says "It’s pretty ive your usual winning spiel and get the fk out of there They just want to know that you, er, exist" JD thinks about it "On second thought-" He’s about to hold ot to be sensitive to their needs, JD," I tell hiners"

"Before you go in, Jackie Christie and Kris Spirit are also available"

"Lesbian DJs, ? Is it cool?" I slap on a pair of wraparound green-tinted sunglasses before I slip into the VIP roo out in two booths, Beau sitting on a chair in front of the dangerously nearby, waves and JD says "Hey, Beau" in a very professional way and then glumly introduces uerre in clubland," I faux-gush

"Victor," Beau says, standing "This is Dollfish, Boo, Joopy, CC Fenton, Na Na and, um"-he checks his clipboard-"Senator Claiborne Pell"

"So-o-o," I ask, pointing at the guy with blond dreadlocks "What do you play?"

"I play Ninjaman but also a lot of Chic and Thous"

"Beau, take note of that," I instruct "How about you?" I ask, pointing at a girl wearing a harlequin outfit and dozens of love beads

"Anita Sarko taughtI know and I also lived with Jonathan Peters," she says

"You’re war this place up, bay-bee," I say

"Victor," JD says, pointing at another DJ, hanging back in the dark "This is Funklasses for a wink "Okay, guys, you got three turntables, a tape deck, a DAT player, two CD players and a reel- to-reel for delay effects to spin your respective ic How does that sound?"

Muffled cool noises, arettes lit