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"My boyfriend is the only reason, my little himbo, that you are in business"

"That’s bullshit," I shout "I’azine this month"

"Exactly" Alison suddenly relents andmy hand "Victor, you auditioned for all three `Real World’s, and MTV rejected you all three times" She pauses sincerely "What does that tell you?"

"Yeah, but I’ phone call away from Lorne Michaels"

Alison studies , she says, "Poor Victor, you should see just how handsoht now"

"A hip combo," I mutter sullenly

"It’s nice that you think so," she says vacantly

"Looking like some deformed schmuck and suicidal’s better?" I tell her "Christ, Alison, get your fking priorities straightened out"

"My priorities straightened out?" she asks, stunned, letting go ofher own to her chest "My priorities straightened out?" She laughs like a teenager

"Don’t you understand?" I get up fro "Shit"

"Victor, tell me what you’re so worried about"

"You really want to know?"

"Not really but yes" She walks over to the armoire and pulls out a coconut, which I totally take in stride

"My fking DJ’s disappeared That’s what" I inhale so hard on the Marlboro I have to put it out "No one knohere the hell one?" Alison asks "Are you sure she’s not in rehab?"

"I’," I ly, falling onto the bed, looking for soes and she yells, "And you lie! Why didn’t you tell me you were in South Beach last weekend?"

"I wasn’t in South Beach last weekend, and I wasn’t at the fking Calvin Klein show either" Finally the ti-"

"Don’t say it" She drops the coconut into her lap and holds up both hands, then notices the joint on her nightstand and grabs it "I know, I know," she intones drairl"-she bats her eyes cartoonishly-"supposedlyto fk up your relationship with that dunce you date, but it will also"-and now,the joint-"fuck up the relationship with the dunce I date too So"-she claps her hands-"ru in either the Post, the Trib or the News to on it I have people all over it This is my A-number-one priority So don’t worry"-she inhales, exhales-"that beautiful excuse for a head of yours about it" She spots what she was looking for, lost in the corabs it: a screwdriver