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Honestly, I’enuine, or just an illusion I’ve created to get over Evan It’s possible I’ile after our breakup and ht I’d be the type of girl who could develop feelings for another guy so quickly It’s fickle A trait I’ve never equated withat the end of the pier I’et raphs yesterday while I ith Kitty, I’d co on the north side of Dublin Bay, Howth overlooks a busy harbor, fishing and tourish the narrow inlet Students and fas fro down on the pier to eat their late lunch It’s another unusually warm day, and I’ve been told by several store owners that I should countstretch without rain I lift ht ofelse

Instead, I see Shane, as if his ie has been stitched on the back ofhis h, the feel of his hands This can’t be a coping ht be thinking of Evan less, but those gaps are being filled by Shane in an altogether different way When I think of Evan, I think of purple flowers Irises He was the first boy to ever present me with flowers, and that mo and lying on a flannel blanket in the Millenniu Italian ices

I think of trying too hard, of forcing a sret

Pushing aside those troubling thoughts, I let myself think of Shane On cue, h to hear over the waves lapping against the side of the pier I try to picture hi Sudoku like Evan used to do, his hand is tracing lazy circles aroundthe Italian ice drip a little ontoatto puzzle me out

Quickly, I raisetheir granddaughter toddling along the pier, holding her father’s hand They look fierce in their pride, as if they share a heart andthe over a soccer ument, however, they slap one another on the back and part ith an, "I’ll see ya ’round, e of the pier and let le It’s dark before I know it, all the boats returning to the harbor for the night Yet I’m no closer to a solution forI stand and dust off the back of o next to avoid the Clayust Why a a deep breath, I think of how Ginger would handle this situation She would saunter in there, Southern attitude in every single step, and wink at the guy giving her trouble Then she’d continue on right up the stairs without a backward glance, secure in the knowledge that he’d be staring after her

I storeand walk back toward the bus stop, with twice as much determination as when I’d disembarked in Howth

…

When I walk in the Clay behind the bar, where he would typically be at this hour Orla is tapping a pen against a pint glass, staring nervously at the back hallway door The few custo the televisions but not really seeing the happened to Kitty It feels like soe to walk to the bar and casually ask Orla what’s going on I’ve never actually spoken to the perpetually late redhead, apart from an odd hello once in a while, but she answersto a ht his solicitor and everything" She lowers her voice to a whisper "They co the inn They didn’t even have an appointment It’s cheeky, if you ask me"

"Cheeky," I repeat softly When I first walked into the Clay it was repellant Now, it feels like a sacrilege This is a home A place to be proud of It has character and memories Good and bad, yes, but theirlike this? On top of these rapid-fire thoughts, I’ Dublin Back to racing and traveling around the world

This is good Knowing his tiood It’llbehind the bar in the same place I left hi into a really good liar

"From New York, the bloke is Not even Irish" She lays a hand on ainst your lot, it’s just that an Ahtaway Put up a bunch of flat-screens on the walls and show American football on them They’ll definitely want someone behind the bar with decent tits" She pokes the side of her right boob "These sad, old danglers won’t stand a chance"