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She laughs, drawing attention in our direction

"I think I’ll just head to my room, actually"

"Of course You ht" She takes hold of ain, and we enter a dim hallway at the back of the pub It’s lined with three doors, two of them restrooms and one labeled employees only At the other end is a narrow, rickety staircase Faith stops us at the bottom and points at a plain wooden door visible froht at the top of the stairs I’d bring you up ot his temper up No reason to rile it any further" She rubs a circle onto my back, and I try not to stiffen "But no worries I’ll be up later to give you the lay of the land"

"Thanks," I o, I don’t have a lot of fe irlfriends would include , but I could never quite get the conversational beats down How to respond to a question without creating too much interest in er and I escaped to Chicago and she met--then s light,casual acquaintances, is a skill that tends to escapeto learn skills like small talk

"You’re welco completely normal this entire aard introduction, and I wonder if maybe, just maybe, I didn’t do too badly this time around "It’s lovely to meet you" She starts to walk away but turns back and winks atto be friends, Willa There’s no help for you"

…

I’ve showered off the layer of travel dust and thrown on faded jeans with a red ther the contents of your suitcase into a drawer unpacking My room is small and simply decorated White lace everywhere The curtains and bedspread are made of the stuff Doilies spread carefully beneath clocks and a telephone I’d never choose the decor for hts and murals type--but that’s kind of why I like it As if maybe I needed to step outside my usual space to see beyond it I want to domyself time to think will only setand looking out theat Baggot Street, I’et outside and iroups, calling out to others across the street Clayate outside thelass Below rown steadily louder since five o’clock, as if the Irish equivalent of happy hour has started Being so far fro fahts, taste different air, be unrecognized I shoot a quick text to Ginger and her husband, Derek, letting them know I’ve arrived in one piece Si, "Stay that way"

God, I want to shake the the ability to love a small number of people cranks up the intensity I have no way of spreading it around, no one else to bestow it on, so it’s highly concentrated and fierce It’s okay with Derek and Ginger, though, because they share er, because she grew up trying to protect me Love few, love hard That’s us My shhis lights This time it’s acco the pain, I throwmy Nikon, keys, and wallet over my shoulder and head out before I crawl under the white lace and forget why I came here

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I notice the door htly This is where I should keep walking, butcuriosity won’t leton an antique desk, I see a faraph I’ve never been part of one My mother couldn’t even reements to capture our likenesses would have been beyond her capabilities While I’ve never understood the motivation to pose for such a picture--because, inevitably, you will hate your hairstyle within a year, but by then it’s nailed to a fking wall for everyone to gawk at--they’ve always drawnWilla’s shrink Yes, the curiosity probably co I’ve never had, but that doesn’t lance at the pub entrance, I nudge the eer, as if the less I touch it, the less offensive an intrusion this will be At first,fourso me invade their privacy Faith and Shane, both a few years younger, stand front and center in the photo, s The smile looks forced on Shane’s part, but not Faith She looks positively elated to be participating in family picture day Behind the with his chin raised proudly, the wo baking in the oven

I can’t help but laugh in the di why in God’s name they’d chosen this particular shot to display in a fraenic family in Ireland, or they’d been heinously ripped off by their photographer My gaze lingers on Shane a moment before shiny objects in the corner of the room catch my attention

Trophies, at least a dozen of theiant cardboard box, but I can see gold figures of cars mounted on their tops Interest piqued, I skirt past the desk and pull one out to inspect the inscription

Second place: 2013 Formula 1 Malaysian Grand Prix, Shane Claymore I pull another one out Third place: 2013 Formula 1 Australian Grand Prix, Shane Clay toward my hairline Shane is a race-car driver? A successful one, apparently It’s the last thing I expect, and I’ot here so freaking fast," I h the box to pull out a fraraph Shane is dressed in a white racing unifor on the hood of a race car, all casual grace, a trophy propped on his thigh Whoever took the picturefunny, because his smile looks spontaneous Definitely not forced, like in the family photo I try not to study it too closely, but it’s hard His interesting lines, the depth lurking in his eyes He is a photographer’s drea, I resolve never to think about his looks again I firmly place the picture back in the box and turn to leave, a dozen thoughts skittering around inin a pub?

I have this thought a split second before I hear footsteps co down the hallway Shit I can’t walk out because then so I turn in a circle and ra to leave a e when I realize my only option is to wait by the door and hope they pass so I can slip out unnoticed