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Standing, Josiah pushed his things into a bag--the mail he needed to send out and other i sure the letter was in place, he pulled the bag onto his shoulder Josiahat the screen, he put the phone away, not bothering to answer, knowing no one would be there anyway Because since the first day those calls started, they hadn’t stopped, and they were all too fragile right now for Josiah to add so else into the mix

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Tristan

"You need to leave work and go to the Wharf" Tristan glanced down, rereading the letter

"Why? What’s wrong?" Tristan recognized the panic in Mateo’s voice

"It’s okay Or, I think it’s okay Josiah is there He said he’s not coht"

It would be empty at their spot down at the water by then, everyone inside due to the cold Noveht, years ago, he’d walked by the water late, picked Josiah off a bench in the rain, and taken hi with Tristan had been Josiah’s hoht

"Fuck" Mateo cursed into the phone "I’ll be there"

Tristan knew exactly where Josiah would be waiting for them He and Mateo met by the street, the shadow of a body with its head bowed, on a bench, under a light hundreds of feet in front of theot the right to be Let’s go"

They walked, no sound except their feet on the concrete as they went Josiah didn’t say anything as they reached hi Tristan and Mateo to do the saht you found me down here, on my birthday?" Josiah asked as they ht of that when I saw your letter," Tristan replied

"It was close to the beginning," Josiah told Mateo "I was aloneso damn alone I needed you I think I needed Tristan, too, even though I didn’t realize it at the ti around because we kissed, and yeah, like I said, I was alone Tristan walked through the rain, soaking one of his expensive suits, and found me down here He carried me to his car and took ht that I would fall in love with him"

Tristan heard Mateo suck in a deep breath, no doubt painful

"I never shoulda left you, Jay I know that"

It ith Mateo’s words that Tristan realized he’d done the sa He left Josiah after their kiss He left Josiah when he refused to take their relationship to the next level, when he’d not been able to tell hi, and he told Josiah that’s all it would ever be

"We’ve both left you in different ways We’ve both hurt you"

Josiah stoppedus apart, and you won’t even let ether Maybe that’s not the way it should be, but that’s the e are" Josiah took a deep breath Tristan saw Mateo reach for him, but Josiah pulled back That one h Tristan’s chest

"It’s pretty incredible, hoork," Josiah continued "It’s a tricky balance, the uneven dips and bends onlywe all want I love how Teo will always be gentler with me physically than he is with you, Tristan I love that you don’t feel that need to be the same ith me, and it will always turn her with you I love that you and I can share wine and Mateo will never fully have that connection, yet he likes sharing it tiht and know the two of you are in the office talking, that you’re sharing your pain, even if it’s not a pain you share with me I’m still a part of it because it’s what es that ether But this?"

Josiah shook his head "This isn’t part of it This isn’t aour shape,it harder for our pieces to ht Tristan kneas right, but couldn’t find the words to fix it Could he tell Josiah what he’d done? Could he stand for Josiah to know that about him?