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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Tristan

Tristan knehat it felt like to live with guilt He’d survived being weighed doith it his whole life Survived was a better word for it than lived, because he hadn’t really lived before Josiah and Mateo

Now he felt like he was only surviving again, the guilt of what he’d set into ain, it felt as though he sucked in a mouth full of water--no air Not because of Javier Mateo was incorrect about that Nohis plan was, he couldn’t feel bad about that

The man was evil, unworthy He’d ruined lives He’d tried to take Josiah’s He’d al another part of hiive soive Even so, Tristan had done it by choice If those men had raped Josiah, there would have been no choice

So, he wouldn’t allow hiret over that The ropes that tied around his ankles, pulling him deeper and deeper fro to them Because of what it did to Josiah and Mateo

Mateo could hardly look at hier and frustration always there He couldn’t understand what Tristan did Didn’t have faith in Tristan to protect the but pain He needed the that for Josiah

But then, Mateo may not be able to look at Tristan, but he could look in the mirror If he found out what Javier did, Mateo would never forgive hiain, and that would wreck Josiah as well Tristan would sacrifice hie them in a way he had never done for his mother, or even himself He’d never confronted Wilson about what thelike he was drowning every day, he didn’t back down Despite his insides being eaten ahat he knew, because of what he was doing, he stood his ground

Mateo couldn’t live with hi happened to Josiah, if he knew about that night in the alley He wouldn’t be able to stop hi after Javier That’s ould kill theuilt would truly kill Mateo, as would the fact that Mateo would make sure it was his hands that ended Javier All he wanted was to not be the person he had been It would push hiain, and that would hurt Josiah as well

Stillit’s wrong

But was it really? After everything Javier had done, would do, was it really that wrong to end his life? Tristan had never been one to debate moral issues like this, but they were always on his mind now

"Tristan?" Josiah stuck his head inside the office door "Dinner is alether tonight"

They hadn’t fed the birds together once in the past week The three of theether, either Tristan and Josiah had Josiah and Mateo had But not the three of the thing to say Mateo needed space, but the smile on Josiah’s faceit away froht both himself and Mateo needed dim out

Tristan put his papers away, like he always did in case they had a surprise PO visit, and then made his way down the hallway and into the kitchen Josiah stood at the wine fridge, looking at the selection before he pulled out a bottle It was such a se in him, but one that Tristan loved He knehat flavors would ether now, and often chose what they drank with dinner

"Do you need any help?" Tristan asked as he went to the sink and washed his hands Maybe this is what they needed Maybe he needed to just go back to their normal lives, to force Mateo to relax back into the familiar pattern they shared

"No I just have to pull it out of the oven Sit down I’ll grab it Teo should be walking in any second"

Tristan did as Josiah suggested, watching as his lover pulled a dish from the oven His hair went into his face, and thathis eyes at Josiah as though he didn’t knohat to do with him

A minute later, Josiah set the dish on the table and then sat across from him "We should wait for Teo I’ll text him to see where he is"

Tristan nodded and waited as Josiah pulled his phone out of his pocket Watched as he frowned at the screen Got tense as he saw Josiah dial Listened as Josiah waited for Mateo to answer

"Hey, ill you be home? Tristan and I want to have dinner with you" Josiah paused, listened When he closed his eyes, Tristan did the same