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He struggled to catch his breath, unable to believe the things he’d just told Elliot Unable to coled to open up, and that’s part of the reason he feared putting hi how he felt Yes, he feared needing them, but there was more to it than that He’d failed those he loved before, and he couldn’t handle failing Josiah and Mateo

"I have to go" It was Tristan who tripped up this ti somewhere, Tristan Talk this out with me Have you told Josiah and Mateo your fear?"

The word fear cut through hiht of Mateo, and realized that fear wasn’t the eneet in the way of protecting as his It was the kind of o," Tristan said again, only he didn’t move Elliot breathed heavily as he stood across from him The corners of his eyes creased, wrinkled as he studied Tristan He was here because of Josiah Tristan understood that, but there was so else in his eyes This mattered to him And maybe it was only because of Josiah that it did, because they were friends, but that didn’t change the fact

And in walking away, he was letting someone else down Elliot How did he feel about that? He didn’t love Elliot He appreciated the man, but that here their relationship ended Still, it was just someone else he failed, or let down, the same way he did Josiah, Mateo and his mom His throat felt locked up and his chest ached He was so fucking tired of doing this Of not being the man he wanted to be

"I can’t stay, butbut I’ll be here early tomorrow, if you can make it" It was an extra day They didn’t usually speak two days in a row, but that’s all Tristan had in hiht now Elliot nodded yes, and it was the release that Tristan needed

He turned, heading back for his car He counted his steps instead of his pulse, because he thought ain when he reached his car Each step was one closer

Tristan slae he probably always knew but hadn’t adled to tell them he loved them because he feared the words would secure that he’d let them down Maybe he even feared their love because it meant the same He’d failed his mother He’d failed Ben

Tristan sat up and pulled the phone fro since he called New York, too long since he’d been proactive

"Shit’s going down here, man," his contact said rather than hello "I don’t knohat’s going on with Los De So them out"

"Who?" Tristan asked

"Fuck if I know There’s a target on their back from somewhere There’s even been soht the urge to break the phone in his hand at that Mateo was far removed This wouldn’t hurt him

"Javier?"

"He’s still around Hell, the way it’s lookin’, you won’t even need e or whatever the fuck you’re looking for, you need to take action, otherwise someone will do it for you And I’m tellin’ you, he really isn’t someone you want to fuck around with There’s this boy of ame like ten years or some shit He used to be a Demon, real close to Javier He just fuckin’ dropped off the radar I ran up on hi for years He has some kind of shit on Javier Fucker’s too dah"

Ten years? Mateo would have been with Javier at the time Josiah could have been there as well "Find out I don’t care what it costs, you find that infor that could somehow hurt Mateo and Josiah, Tristan needed to know about it He owed his , he needed to be able to help them "I’ll be in touch more frequently I want to knohat your contact knows"

There was a part of hi for it Was he beco what he hated? Would he become the same kind of man who hurt his mom or the men he loved? No, that wasn’t it He also needed to be able to protect his men He needed to protect the three of them, the way Mateo had always protect Josiah He couldn’t fail them