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It should have been a sanctuary for odling beside , didn’t I?"

"You don’t know?" Madding’s other lieutenant, the female one, on my other side She sounded incredulous

"No" I did not want to know I licked my lips "Please tellslowly There was so in her tone that was alod "I’ve never seen a …" She trailed off

"It becah not quite shuwao," said themy eyes I shut them in reflex Why did my eyes hurt? It felt like I’d been punched in the back of each "It carved a path across half a billion stars and connected one world with another, just for a "

I rubbed at ood; the pain was inside me "I don’t understand, damn you! Speak mortal!" I did not want to know

"You h it Not all the way, though The h completely Do you understand?"

"I…" No "It was just a chalk drawing," I whispered

"You dropped the "And then you closed the door You cut thean to screa, and then I passed out

"Family" (charcoal study)

I HAVE A FAVORITE MEMORY of my father that I sometimes recall as a dream

In the dream, I am small I have only recently learned to clis are very far apart and I cannot see the and fall I had to learn not to be afraid, which isacco across the sreement, his room My mother does not come here, not even to clean It is neat anyhow--my father is a neat man--yet it is per that is hithat I understand instinctively, even if I lack the vocabulary to describe it

My father is not like oes to White Hall services only often enough to keep the priest fros at the household altar He does not pray I have asked hiods, and he says that of course he does; are we not Maroneh? But that is not the sa them, he sometimes adds Then he cautions me not to mention this to anyone else Not the priests, not my friends, not even Mama One day, he says, I will understand

Today he is in a rare mood--and for a rare once, I can see hie, elegant hands His face is lineless, alh his hair is salt-and-pepper and there is so heavy and tired, that shows his long life more clearly than wrinkles ever could He was old when he married Mama He never wanted a child, yet he loves rin and lean on his knees He’s sitting dohich puts his face in reach of ers Eyes can be fooled, I have learned already, but touch is always sure

"You’ve been singing," I say

He sht it would have worn off by now"

"Sing for me, Papa," I plead I love the colors his voice weaves in the air

"No, Ree-child Your mother’s home"

"She never hears it! Please?"

"I probefore I was born, never to expose her orto understand where the danger coh to keep me silent

But he has broken his proht have betrayed norance And because, I later realize, it kills him a little to stifle that part of hilorious With me, in these small private mohs and lifts s