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"It’s House Day, Nightie Girl" He looked at ht we could celebrate with a little lunch, and I knohat you’re going to say before you say it: You’re too busy No probleht lunch to you!"

"Hey, Caroline, did you still want me to work on the cost projections for--oh, hey, Si short when she caught sight of my boyfriend She had a monster crush It normally made me chuckle to watch her stammer and stutter around him, but today I didn’t even feel a flash of amusement

"Monica, how’d you like so up the box frorease

I pulled a colored pencil from my head and started to chew

"Oh no, I already ate a pizza, I mean I didn’t eat an entire pizza, I mean I went out for an entire pizza, I mean a slice! I had a small slice of pizza, and a salad,"Yes, Monica, please work on the cost projections for the Anderson account and let me know if you have questions Thank you"

"Okay, sure, no proble! I just--crap Bye!"

I dropped my head towoman I kneould have killed for the poise she possessed at such a young age--except when Wallbanger was involved Then she turned to goo I could relate And she didn’t even know he had the power to th of his hps alone

Speaking of hips, theywith the pizza box

"So, lunch?"

I started to laugh I couldn’t help it I was at that point when you either laugh or cry, and the scales just happened to tip toward laughter I looked up at hi House Day in his oeet and unaay, and cackled like a loon "Sure, Simon Let’s have soht there on the top, surrounded by an ar a chef’s hat, was a picture of the devil hiiver Self-described man about town

And the jackrabbit fucker who’d hijacked an to twitch The floor, to pitch My skin he’d seen just once noled and creeped and bunched and itched

The laughter that was ringing out from my lips turned to a shriek that stopped traffic all over town, upset several fruit carts, and ht earthquake treht on the news Andmy chin as my body turned roly-poly in an effort to protect itself at all costs

"Oh, will you settle down? There are positively no anchovies on this pizza," Si me a napkin

• • •

I’d had flashbacks all afternoon

Cory, cheers-ing ht beer when Ias he slid behind the wheel of his stupid souped-up yellow Small Dick Mobile with the license plate IEETPIE Point of order, he in fact does not

Cory, poised overand blurry while his hps ran a race he would never win

To be fair, I’d had every opportunity to stop this particular tragedy And still chose to proceed with the single worst sexual experience of asm Hiatus, as it came to be known to all et the i I turned ontospilled all over the floor of the delivery van

Delivery van, you ask?

Yes, delivery van In our haste to make real estate history with the fastest decision ever, we both forgot about my commute into the city Sure, I could take the ferry, but I hadn’t had a chance to figure out the ferry schedule And I no longer had access to Jillian’s very sporty Mercedes So I’d purloined the Jillian Designs delivery van, and was using that to drive over the bridge to my new address As I pulled up in front of the old Victorian that I now called hohed heavily as I turned the ignition off, looking through the windshield at the house

From the street, it still looked melancholy and a bit run down I knew that was te a bit run down? This day had taken it out ofmore than to explore my new home, take a hot shower, and crawl into bed

A bed on the floor

Shit, I didn’t care anymore I just wanted a bed As I shut the door to the van, it squeaked in a way reminiscent of Cory Weinstein’s bed as he jackrabbited his teeny peeny in a ly) way, and I flinched once more

I slammed the door shut and walked up the steps I could see Si boxes

I felt hten This wasit with Simon

Suddenly the crappy day disappeared I couldn’t wait to get inside and make the sweet sweet love And the nasty dirty love And everything in between

I opened the front door, looking past the y baseboards and the fingerprinted doorjambs and all of our boxes, and sawand lean He turned when I carin

"Hey, babe"

"Hey, yourself," I answered back I dropped s and started to walk across all that pink toward hiot here How does Thai sound to you?"

"Sounds great, you big, hot homeowner, you," I purred, and he looked up frorinned as he watched me walk toward hiot into you?"

"Nothing Not yet, at least" I winked "Nohere’s that blow-up bed? Let’s christen this pile of bricks"

I pulled hihis cheekbones, drawing ht where his neck roaned into et the blow-up bed"

"Whuh?" I said, my mouth full of neck and shoulder

"Yeah, sorry I was so busy with everything this afternoon, it totally slipped ue back into hh!" I danced away; sos "What the hell was that?"

My mind instantly conjured a task force ofhumans

But it wasn’thi hello to Mommy I looked at him, then back up to Siuilty

"I couldn’t leave him there; they called him Clyde!"