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Because that’s what ht, in the honey Don’t stop what you’re doing there, please don’t stop Right there Right there That’s itmmmm"

"Howone"

"I can feel it Jesus that’s goodto run out of calamine lotion at this rate"

Here’s the thing about gettingfuckers We spent our wedding night scratching each other’s bites and applying calaallon And with Simon still on the disabled list sexy-times-wise, we spooned, scratched, and watched Goonies With subtitles

Best Wedding Night Ever

"Do you, Caroline, take this man, Simon, to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do"

"And do you, Simon, take this woman, Caroline, to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do"

And so we al Simon and I had our very best friends and our very favorite fae I’d done a reot overnet to throw ? Maybe a little, but ultimately they understood As did Mimi and Sophia, and why they didn’t even know about our Vietnainal wedding date, slashed the guest list by two-thirds, and with the exception of Sihbors the Whites, everyone was local At least local to Northern California Viv and Clark were there, with Will in attendance as well, cute as a button in a tuxedo onesie And Chloe and Lucas were there too, in town visiting Sophia and Neil And get this, Chloe and Clark were cousins How’s that for six degrees of Wallbanger? I was happy to have them all here on this very special day This very special casual day Because in the end, it wasn’t the lace and the tulle thattheir I do’s, and their friends and fa there to celebrate it with them We threw a barbecue, opened up a bunch of wine and cold beer, set up acreaed Simon’s old record player out onto the terrace, he did so-banda wedding cake, I’d spent two solid days this week in the kitchen with irlfriends, my aunts, and eous Brownies She would have been proud But for Simon, I made him is very own apple pie, which he s cake We had wedding pie Fitting

I sat on a bench at the edge of our lawn, eating brownies with Miuys played Frisbee with Benja Mary Jane until Sophia had to take over So I pictured you having, Caroline," Sophia said, switching boobs "But it’s pretty fun"

"Fun, I’ll take Fancy, I’ll leave to you How’s the planning coreat! The binder is really filling out nicely," Mi a second business, and she should She was dao through with you on ideas I had for your hair, Sophia I’ve been cutting out stuff froazines for weeks now Did you know that Grace Sheridan has your exact sath? Hers is a little more curly than yours, but it’s essentially the same"

"Who’s Grace Sheridan?" Sophia asked, and Mimi and I both looked at her in surprise

"You totally knoho she is," I said, shaking my head "She’s on that TV show"

"I totally do not knoho she is Sesame Street and Neil’s broadcasts, that’s all I ever watch anyht back at irlfriend You know, the--"

"--the Brit? Hello, now I’o see the new Time movie when it comes out; we’ll let the boys stay hoo have so her girls’ night out

"Yes yes, she’s with Jack Hareat hair And it’s exactly the same shade of red as yours So I found this picture of her on the red carpet and--"

Sophia interrupted Miain, unable to stop herself "--when she walked with Jack down the red carpet? Ahhh! I fucking loved that! Re?"

"But wait, ere talking about her hair! Listen to ot the perfect updo based on--"

"Oh updo this, let’s talk about Jack Hamilton’s hair instead It always looks freshly fucked, you knohat I mean? I wonder if they do it in the limo on the way to appearances"