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Chapter 1

"Okay, let’s see Dashi broth is done Bok choy is roasting; shrimp are a’poachin’ Gluten free as far as the eye can see," I toldon the stainless steel counter in the most beautiful kitchen ever created If you liked midcentury California modern And who didn’t? Miles and miles of stainless steel and poured polished concrete

Countless appliances and chefs’ tools sat against the herringbone subway tiles, shiny and untouched by their owner’s hand Touched only by luten in this land of blond and trendy Specifically, Hollywood Specifically, Bel Air Specifically, the home of Mitzi St Renee, wife of a fasnever-ending youth

And at thirty-tould have thought that someone only five years older than me could talk down to me like it was her job), in a tohere thirty was the bench for the love of tits, Mitzi was obviously concerned about her age Holding a honeydew, I paused to consider said tits Said tits were attached to a beautiful woman Said tits were attached to a not-very-nice woman Said tits were attached to an asshole, truth be told

I shook my head to clear it, and started to cut up the es; no rounded corners here Next up were cantaloupe balls, rounded and plued hollows; simply perfect balls I heard how that sounded in les Acute Obtuse Did Mitzi appreciate the knife skills that went into her fruit bowl? Doubtful Did she notice the culinary geoy burst? Probably not No one noticed the perfection of ue and IMitzi’s plate--she liked her dinner served at exactly 6:30 p Some even took the credit, while the chefs were hidden in the kitchen And others assumed that because I worked in a kitchen and was paid for cooking, I also was a butler of sorts But with the kind ofher trendy Asian-fusion, low-calorie-but-high-in-taste dinner on a tray in her dining roo the bok choy froin pain, I set the pan down on top of the range When I saho the caller was I quickly pressed decline, then gave the bok choy a once-over Selecting the greenest and the most pristine, I carefully placed it in the center of a white porcelain bowl, creating a tiny green tower just as the egg ti me to my shrimp

Poached in a court bouillon with the faintest hint of Thai chili and cinna three on top of the bok choy trio (symmetry, always syarlic, and shallots that had been ever so slightly browned in peanut oil (a secret that would never be disclosed to Miss Fat Gra the bowl onto an enameled tortoiseshell tray, I then poured the dashi broth into a white porcelain pitcher, and put exactly three-fourths of a cup of kaffir li bowl Portion control is essential toa size zero lifestyle in a size zero town Just as I was gathering up the tray to take into the dining rooain I hit Decline once more, noticed the tiet to 6:32 without noticing

In the dining roo alone as usual Her husband was alorking, though whatever ht have had for her disappeared when sheat her watch

"So sorry it’s a little late; the bok choy needed just a bit extra tonight," I chirped, setting down the tray and serving her from the left

"Why, Roxie, what’s four minutes? I mean, four minutes here, seven minutes there, let’s just relax all the rules, shall we?" she chirped back as I poured the broth fro around the center

She pays you well Very well

Gritting my teeth, I smiled at her Botoxed forehead and whisked away the empty pitcher Why, Roxie indeed

I headed back into the kitchen to finish up her "dessert" and her coffee, box up her breakfast and lunch for toiant neon quotation marks around it inside my head, since it was hard to visualize such a lovely word applied to sugar-free carob-based wafer cookies set just so into shaved lemon ice I wasn’t opposed to the lemon ice, or the "cookies"--which, let’s face it, also needed the quotation treat I could get on board as the way Mitzi took her coffee Kona blend, dark roast, with one--and only one--tablespoon of full-fat, honest-to-goodness hoe in this one treat, each and every day Hey, it’s not up to me to tell anyone where to spend their "cheat calories" Wow, lots of quotations tonight

I fired up the stainless steel artisan KitchenAid mixer, retrieved the bowl from the freezer, and poured in a little over half a cup of fresh heavy cream The bottle was almost empty; I’d have to add that to herlist for her each week, then came over several days to prepare meals that she could have on hand Twice a week I cooked for her

Adding a teaspoon of Madagascar vanilla and exactly two teaspoons of sugar to the crea the beep co from my phone from the two calls I’d missed while on dashi duty