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"Then don’t pusha step closer "Ruby, I should have told you how I felt that night we made love I felt it then; I just didn’t kno to nah to believe it"

She was shaking her head, eyes glassy with tears, and I could tell she didn’t want me to say it, but I needed to

"I love you," I whispered, urgencymy voice thin "I am desperately in love with you"

"Niall--"

"I knew it at Portia’s I felt sick being there I don’t knohy I went, but if nothing else it clarified everything for s for ive me"

"I want to I really do But I don’t kno toof humiliation and this deep, exhausted frustration All of it: trying to figure out what you needed, trying to be everything for you in everyyou say ‘you’re lovely’ in return, losingto have dinner with Portia to discuss your eI just still feel really raw"

"I think I felt like I had to close this one door," I tried to explain "Or, maybe I just had never heard Portia sound so emotional and a very dark part of s really until I went, and it was terrible of ot there I knew there was no conversation to be had, no long-buried truths to be shared I felt unfaithful to you just being there--"

"Because you were"

I closedto see her like this "I’ "And I think I get it But I can’t help it I’ my hand across the stubble onup at me, she said very quietly, "Is it weird to feel like I need to say no? Like, I need to h every tiny hesitation I tried to be understanding and patient, but as soon as you had the chance, you didn’t give s the same consideration I lost myself somewhere in the last six months I told you to trust me to tell you where arded ht into ht that wasn’t the kind of relationship you wanted anyut and I pulled back, pained And even though her lip treh I still saw every ounce of the eo, she didn’t take her sharp reprimand back, not ords or expression

I could push her I saw it now, and another ressive e of the pain in her eyes If I kissed her right now, she would kiss me back I could sense it in the way she watched my mouth, the way she continued to shake

Ruby still loved me as I loved her

I could press my way inside, put ive her pleasure, taste her sweat With my mouth and hands and words I ht that I truly did love her