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I wanted her to blame me, to rail I wanted her to tell me all the ways in which I’d disappointed her Her silence was terrifying because it was so unlike her I would rather have a le moment of her reserve

Her opinion and esteem were already fundamental for me, even after only a month The simple truth was that I’d never felt both so knoith her, and so wandering even a day without She was unlike anyone

But eventually, under the weight of her continued silence, I let her go, begging her to call me when she felt ready

Two et out of the house, craved nothing to eat, and i for hours on end I kneas facing the type of blood-draining sadness I’d previously--or, rather, blissfully ignorantly--only iined could be avoided by stoicism itself

Ruby was the only wo her init turned so sour inside me

The first weekend after I took a hammer to her trust and forced Ruby to silently end our relationship, I ather sons I wanted to at least present a se unshaven, wearing the same worn jeans and T-shirt I’d had on for the previous thirty-six hours, and I’m not sure I’d even looked atthe flat

It was still dark out, so early in thea sort of external calm I was desperate to steal and pull inside me Cars remained parked at the curb; shops wouldn’t open for hours yet The lobby of the building was silent as a vault

I pulled lass doors, curiously peering in at the single light turned on inside the firht corner Near Ruby’s old office

I foundforward and the door opened under my robotic push In the back corner, I couldtapped into order on a surface, of picture fra dropped into a box

"Hello?" I called out, rounding the corner and freezing as I caught sight of her inside the interns’ office, hand suspended in aze

She’d had the same idea: come in early on a weekend, avoid everyone But instead of picking up work to nu roo up her desk

My sto my windpipe with emotion

"Ruby? You’re here"