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"So"

Her attentionmotionless atband She doesn’t even look a little bit surprised "Hoas Paris?"

With a deep breath, Iin a tuas, about how I felt it was my last hurrah of sorts, the last fun I would have until soically realize I wanted to be just likeAnsel, the sunshine of hiht Unloading Unburdening

I tell her about the e I skip one hundred percent of the sex part

I tell her about escaping o to Paris, about the perfection of the city, and how it felt initially to wake up and realize I was er But also, that it went away and what caive up

Again, I skip every detail of the sex part

It’s hard to explain the Perry story, because even as I begin, she has to sense that it’s the reason I left So when I get to the part about the party, and being cornered by the Beast, I al a asps, and it’s that tiny reaction that unleashes the flood of tears, because this entire tie an idiot I am Am I a minor idiot, who should have stayed to hash it out with the hottestover so anyone else would considerin the eye of the stor it really is

"Honey," Mole word holds a million others that communicate sympathy and a sort of fierce mama-bear protectiveness But also: concern for Ansel, since I’ve painted hi And he likes me

"Honey," she repeats quietly

Another epiphany hits me: I’m not quiet because I stutter I’m quiet because I’m like my mother

"Okay, so" I pull my knees to my chest "There’s more And this is why I’ the city with Ansel, and our conversations about school, and my life, and what I want to do I tell her that he’s the one who convinced o back to ht to teach, and to attend school here during the day so that I’m as prepared as I can be to run my own business someday To teach kids how to move and dance however their bodies want I assure her that Professor Chatterjee has agreed to adra this all in, Morow up, Lollipop?"

"When I ut And Mom can see it, too She puts her hand on ood," I whisper "Other than the secrecy over the Beast, he’s a to shun me forever?"

"Your father is difficult, I know, but he’s also set your MBA so you have options, not so you’d be exactly like hi is, sweetheart, you never had to use it to do what he wanted Even he knows that, no matter how , my mom makes her way to the door and pauses for a beat as I let it fully sink in that I really don’t knowin the last couple of boxes and then I’ht now you have other things to fix"

I’D PROMISED LOLA and Harlow that they could co, I’ other than sleep

In bed, I hold row slippery and I struggle to not reread every one of Ansel’s steady es for the hundredth time The one that arrived since I unpacked says: If I cah, because despite everything, it’s not like I can just decide to stop loving hidown at my phone, I open the textand reply for the first tio, safe and sound Of course I’d see you, but don’t come until it works for the case You’ve worked too hard I reread what I’ve written and then add, I’ anywhere

Except back to the States while you lie sleeping, I think

He replies icrazy over here

And then another: I can’t sleep Iuntil no ht in ether My careful mind tells me to just say thank you, but instead I quickly type Me too, and toss my phone away, onto the bed before I can say more

I miss him so h air into ain, it’s the nextand I’ve missed his next three texts: I love you And then: Please tell me I haven’t ruined this