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And that’s it I’ve been in a haze of stoone and it’s not even eight in the

Outside the bedroom the apart roo feels so European The furniture is sparse--a black leather couch, two armless, modern red chairs, a low coffee table On the other side of the roo seats The walls bear an eclectic s For a bachelor pad, the apart, and the sa is present here But instead of French doors, the far wall is lined s I walk to the one closest to lass, and look down On the street, I watch Ansel climb onto a shiny black bike, put on his helear, and pull away froe, he looks ridiculously hot I wait until I can no longer see hi away

My breath catches and I closea little It isn’t the residual er that makes me a tiny bit dizzy It’s the fact that I’et ho okay with a quick call to my family I can’t find an apart in Paris

I can’t call my best friends

I findaround in it for my phone Stuck to the screen is a sticky note with Ansel’s neat script telling me he’s set me up on his international cellular plan It actually h--maybe a little ht that sent irls from France? I mean, it’s so indicative of my absurd priorities Who cares if I don’t speak French, I’s, and er-husband seeed my firstborn child in AT&T s thousands of h the line In the kitchen, I see Ansel has left uette, butter, jam, and fruit A carafe of coffee sits on the stove He is a saint and deserves some kind of ridiculous award for the past few days Maybe just a constant offering of blowjobs and beer He’s apologizing for working, when I really should be apologizing that he had to clean upthat I’ain without wanting to throw up

The phone rings and rings I do a blurry calculation, knowing only that when it’shere, it must be really late there Finally, Harloith only a groan

"I have thestories," I tell her

"It’s ht-thirty here, Mia"

"Do you or do you not want to hear the greatest humiliation of my life?"

I hear her sit up, clear her throat "Just realizing you’re stillin a little more each uy’s sex toy all suh If only "Yes, we’ll discuss the insanity of all of this, but first, I need to tell you about the trip here It’s so bad, I want soet"

"You could just have soh before ot my period on the plane," I whisper

"Oh no!" she says, sarcastically "Not that"

"But I had nothing withwhite jeans Any other time I’d be like, ‘Yep, I menstruate’ But this? We just met and I can think of about fifteen hundred conversations I’d rather have with a hot seer other than ‘I just started my period and I’m an idiot so let me just tie my sweatshirt aroundon Also, you being a dude, I realize it’s unlikely but do you happen to have a spare tampon?’"

This see a quiet, "Oh"

I nod,on just about everything thanks to the stoh a yawn

"That explains a few things," I say "I threw up on the plane Getting off the plane In the terminal"

"Are you okay?" The concern rises in her voice, and I can tell she’s about fiveto ot back to his apartment after this cab ride that was" I close my eyes when the floor weaves in front of me at the memory "I swear crazy Broc as a toddler would be a better driver And as soon as we got here I threw up in Ansel’s umbrella bucket"

She seems to miss the most important piece of information here when she asks, "He keeps a bucket for his uuests to puke in," I suggest "And I’ve been sick since Tuesday night and I’m pretty sure he’s seen me throw up about seven hundred times He had to help me shower Twice And not the sexy kind, either"