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We look back at each other at the same time "Do you think we should talk about?" I ask, trailing off

"Um, no," she says, horrified "I had a ain"

A moment of weakness? As in, she sort of wants this? "But what if I want to talk?"

"What’s there to say?" she says, shrugging helplessly

"Just" I pulldown on the couch "Okay, look Even e’re just friends, the fact that we’ve slept together is always hanging between us I feel it in every second we’re together, and I’ood at pretending it didn’t happen," she jokes, but it falls flat

This totally fucking stings, and I let her see it on , she says, "Okay Sorry"

"And I know you think I’m a total player--and maybe I deserve that--but I’ve only been with one person since you and--"

"That’s, like, one h "I know, but someday maybe I’ll tell you about how comically horrible it was" She starts to ask, but I cut her off "The point is, I’ to turn over a new leaf And it requires reflection, which is sort of new forlike I owe her the chance to make a smart remark, but I’m actually relieved when she doesn’t

She sits down next to ," I continue, "four years ago, I was really in love with Mia I thought ere going to be together forever, and I kno that I was young, and it was unrealistic, but when it ended it was hard I irlfriend since y to just anyone At first it felt like I’d be"--I look around, searching for words--"I don’t know, cheating, or sos for soether And then, being with girls in a s would be easier It became how I operated It was an evolution, okay, and I’ that I hate , but I have a little bit of hindsight now, and it isn’t hoant to do things any with her wide, blue eyes trained on my face "Okay"

"So I just wanted you to know" I lean back, lacing"I know your last boyfriend hurt you, and I don’t want you to think all guys are like that I don’t want you to think I’ forward and rubbing her palitated I’m inclined to tell her she doesn’t have to talk to me if she doesn’t want to, but the truth is that I don’t really want to let her off the hook if we’re doing the sharing thing right now London is one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met, but there’s a shell there and I don’t have the sense that she talks to people very often about what’s going on in her head

The silence feels like it extends for ates between us, er she’s quiet I close h it At some point one of us has to speak, and I swear it will not be me

Finally, she takes a deep breath and lets it out, slowly "My dad’s been cheating on my mom since I was sixteen It’s sort of an unspoken rule in h everyone knows"