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Chapter ONE

London

THERE ARE A nus that happen when you haven’t had sex in a while: You inadvertently e scenes in romantic movies--a noise that falls somewhere between a snort and an audible eye roll and which al lobbed at you from the other end of the couch You can name at least three online adult toy stores fro rates, reliability, and speed At least two of these stores auto-fill after only a single letter is typed into the URL bar, and you are always the roommate expected to replace the batteries on the rehts

Which is ridiculous when you think about it because everyone knows the best sex toys are corded or rechargeable A, too Like, really good, Oly sex with yourself is the only option because how can any man possibly hope to compete with your own hand or a vibrator with 120 volts and seventeen variable speed settings?

The side effects of a less-than-social vagina are particularly noticeable when you’re constantly surrounded by three of the ly happy couples around My roommate, Lola, and her two best friends, Harlow and Mia, nificant others in a totally insane, it-never-happens-in-real-life weekend of debauchery in Las Vegas Mia and Ansel are married and barely come up for air Harlow and Finn seem to have mastered sex via eye contact And Lola and her boyfriend, Oliver, are at that stage in a new relationship where touching is constant and sex see turns into sex Watching The Walking Dead? Obviously arousing Ti casually, and then stop, look at each other, and here we go again

TMI alert? Oliver is loud, and I had no idea the c-as used quite so readily in Australia It’s a good thing I love theraularly until she moved in as my roommate last su her feet dragging down the hall, I ses, hair a mess and face still flushed

"Oliver just left," I tell her around a spoonful of Raisin Bran He’d sturin and a sih five and a bottle of Gatorade for the road because he has to be dehydrated after all that Seriously, Lola, I’ht it possible for Lola’s cheeks to get any pinker I would have lost that bet

"Sorry," she says, offering ot to be sick to death of us, but I’ because you’ve got a gorgeous, sweet Australian guy banging you senseless," I tell her, and stand to rinse outthat daily"

"So all the way to his place takes forever" Lola closes the cupboard door and stares off, conte "That is insane We are insane"

"I tried to convince hi for the day and have work tonight You two could have had the place to yourselves"

"You’re working again tonight?" Lola fills her glass and props a hip against the counter "You’ve closed every night this week"

I shrug "Fred needed someone and the extra hours don’t hurt" I dry my bowl and reach to put it away "Don’t you have panels to finish, anyway?"

"I do, but I’d love to hang outYou’re always at the beach or working a--"