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I glowered at him "It’s not like that Jake knows it’s not like that"

Loas iot back fro to keep putting hih this, whatever this is, so yeah…on with his life"

Feeling angry tears prickto hurt me?"

His eyes washed over my face and whatever they sawto hurt you, Charley I’ to prepare you"

"You’re mad at me"

"I don’t know if I could ever really be ht now, I don’t get you"

Angry, but this tilanced away and pretended to watch the bar staff as they tried to cull the crowd around the bar

Loarht I didn’t look at him--I couldn’t for fear I’d fall apart Instead I just squeezed his hand back and took coood friends ould stick by me and try to understand, even if they never really could

It was an understateavewas okay for a while, until the roo in on me

I excusedstudents toward the exit I practically lunged outside, gulping the air as I flopped against the building

The noise froradually beca a time before when life was simpler It would be easy to blame Jake-- to pinpoint the time and say it was the day before I met him when I was sixteen Except that wasn’t the truth The truth was life was simpler the day before I left to spend the summer in Miami with my aunt, uncle, and cousins It was the summer I felt the impact of my cousin Ethan’s death The hole he left behind, the tear his death caused in my faot The justice they never found

Life wasn’t simple after that For the first time in my life, I felt powerless, and I hated it I wanted it not to be that way, and that’s when the idea of becoed in my head There was a na&iu a cop wouldn’t make me feel less powerless in bad situations There was no reht"

I juainst the wall beside me I hadn’t even heard him come outside "Yeah," I said dryly "And I think I was on to soetic half saze sharpened, processing the hint of melancholy in the back ofa pull of his beer

Taking a stab in the dark, I said, "You thinking about your dad?"

Beck’s eyebrows drew together "He’s been on my mind a little lately Did Lowe tell you we have a small label interested in us?"

"Yeah"

"Did I ever tell you my dad was in a band?"

"You told les and stuff"

He shot me an unhappy smile "Yeah, but that’s not how he started out" He exhaled, turning so his back was flat to the wall He stared up at the sky like I had only moments before "Dad was in a rock band in his early twenties For a while it was thein his life--until he ned to a s" He stopped talking, his eyes rim in their depths "He loved uy who ot a teaching opportunity he didn’t want her to pass up And he loved San Francisco It was like losing an arh, siain and Mom couldn’t take it" I suddenly realized that look in Beck’s eyes was desperation "They argued whenever he was ho but my dad was adamant up until the end that he never screwed around on her She didn’t believe him, and she hated the rock-star lifestyle So she left him" His voice cracked "She left him and even when he left the band for her, she wouldn’t take hio to be close to us, started working for advertisers and stuff like that And he turned to alcohol"

I didn’t knohat to say, it was so heartbreaking "Beck…"

His eyes burned into me suddenly "I don’t want that to happen with Claudia My music means a lot to me, but I don’t want to lose her because of it"

I was stunned Shocked even I had no idea Beck had these thoughts running through his head "It won’t Claudia loves you"

"Yeah, and irls… I’ve not been a saint, so Claud will have that in the back of her estured toward the bar "If by soe everything I’d have crazy girls trying to get into irlfriend who knows exactly what goes on in these tours How much of that do you think Claudia could take? I would never cheat on her, ever, but it would drive uy anted her and kept co me she wouldn’t feel that way too eventually" He leaned in to me, his voice loith emotion "Somehow the most miraculous person I everunloved and neglected She deserves to feel like no girl in the world could ever co day, and I can’t do that if I’asped "Are you thinking about quitting the band?"

He shrugged "I don’t know I applied to grad school at the saot in He’s the only one who knows"

I pushed off the wall to face him "Beck, you have to talk to Claudia before you make a decision She kno ht for one second you were thinking about throwing your dream away because of her, she’d--"

"Have a shit fit," he interrupted dryly "I know"

"You have to give her a chance to prove that she can do this for you Look at her in there" I pointed to the bar "She handles those girls fine Somehow, out of all the craziness and all your conquests and dragging your feet about the two of you, she’s actually pretty secure about you Beck, she knows that you love her Give her a chance Sheave me a small smile but that darkness in his eyes hadn’t dissipated "We could try it, and it could all work out But there’s a fifty percent chance that it won’t, and sheher"

"Beck, we’re not talking about a s up your career," I re more than a little overwhelreed "It’s called sacrifice or compromise or whatever you want to naive up for the people we love I thought you of all people would understand, Charley You gave up the acadeet it, I do They are whatif at the end of my life, Claudia isn’t by my side? What’s the point if the person I love the hto an end? My dad had no one in the end I don’t want that to be ht?

"You’ve put the acade a cop could potentially make your parents’ lives worse And you love them so if they’re not happy, you’re not happy Other people can say whatever the fk they want They can say there has to be a line, that you have to chase your dreaainst the wall "But I get it"

"You do?" I whispered

"Yeah The people we love are one of our dreaot to choose" He shot ht, so soainst the wall too I was confused for Beck, worried for hiota halt to the whole police acaderuhed "Nope They certainly did not"