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After a little while, Beck let go of Claudia’s hand and removed the lid from the small lacquered box Without a ht in the wind as it blew out toward the ocean

He wiped a tear from his cheek and Claudia wrapped her arm around his waist and drew hi his own ar her head in thanks

Jake strokedrim Sad Wary

Afterthe way I felt, but I sensed a new desperation in hio of the hope that I would coain

That I had given up hope was bad enough Selfishly, I didn’t want Jake to

I spent the night with hiain, positive now that he understood there wasn’tat a last chance to soak in the te with him

Jake leaned down to be heard over the wind "Let’s leave them for a moment"

I nodded and followed him back over the bluffs to where we’d parked the car up on Lincoln Boulevard It was much warmer in San Francisco but it indy off the water and I was glad to return to the car

We were silent for a while, taking in the h I never wanted to be in a position to understand what he was dealing with It was bad enough being distant withhi ahen I was seventeen," Jake suddenly said, jolting hts

Confused, I said, "What does?"

"Everything that’s happened to us Brett’s death Me breaking up with you The shit ent through to find each other again only for your parents and sister not to forgiveto Andie because of it, Andie got in an accident, you blamed yourself, you made a pact with God and now have this irrational fear, irrational but real nonetheless, which ether" Jake shook his head "I don’t believe that I don’t believe that we have to keep being punished for what happened ere kids I don’t believe that the choices we both made to walk away from each other define us I don’t believe that we can’t trust one another, and I don’t believe that ouldn’t make it work a third time around If you and Andie, if you and your parents, hadn’t fallen out before the accident, I’m one hundred percent sure you would have hadAndie’s coma You would have let ot in the way of this one" He grabbed"But really, we’re still kids, Charley We’ve got so much to work out about ourselves and about life Who says then that this is all we get? We’ve got a whole lifetihfro to re fact "But Jake--"

"I know, I know Your fear" He sighed and sat back in his seat "We can’t be together until you work it out, Charley We can’t be together until you work it all out Your sister, your parents, your career--you Go hoht entle kiss upon my knuckles "Go home and find yourself Take all the time you need And when you’re done and if you still want ave me a sad, crooked, boyish shteen

There was a possibility I was going to upchuck all over my sister and Rick’s front stoop It felt like one minute I’d been in San Francisco and the next I was in Beverly ready to face the firing squad

It wasn’t a ht hours

What Jake had said to ht for over five ht I finally had a grasp on who I was and where I was going So to suddenly findI hadn’t handled the uncertainty of what lay ahead for ed by the cracks in what had always been a strong faes, I’d run from them and all the reasons for their existence

Perhaps if I’d confided in Jake sooner, I would’ve ended up on Andie’s doorstep o Or perhaps I needed the time and distance frouess I’d never know And I knew I’d never know if Andie and I could find our way back if I didn’t knock on her door

Claudia and Beck had been really understanding Beck was coping with his own issues and I didn’t want to take anything away from that The road trip was about hio so they could help hi to call o fro her parents’ credit card I tried to say no Our road trip had been funded by that credit card and I didn’t want to take advantage Claudia said it was the only thing her parents were good for, so in the end, that--and e while I still had it--was the reason I accepted her help

I got a taxi to the airport, leaving the three of theoodbye to Jake in the airport… I didn’t knohen or if I’d ever say hello to hiot in the taxi, his so hopeful and ret I’d treated him terribly these last fewto save me

Suddenly my sister’s door flew open and there she was

Beautiful and fresh-faced, Andie was standing upright and she looked healthy Her expression, however, was blank "Were you planning on knocking or are you holding out for a career as a porch orna breathless, I whispered, "Funny"

Andie stood back froesture for me to come inside "You’re only seven ed to meet her eyes as I stepped inside her home for the first time since her accident She shut the door and I waited for her to make the next er in her house made me even more nauseated than before Panic held me to the spot

Andie eyed me for a second Whatever she saw h "Don’t look at me like that," she said "It doesn’t suit you"

"I’m sorry," I blurted out

After a moment of intense scrutiny, Andie nodded "I know Coh her spacious entry hall and into the living roo," I muttered

"Why’s that?" She flopped down into the armchair and I realized my parents’ reports on her recovery were true, and I’d ed as I loweredhe’s not too happy withthe nausea aside and trying to find the aze steady on hers "How have you been? How has the recovery been?"

"My recovery has been fine I raduation and I orried for a while that the job I had waiting for ed, barely givingeveryone else?"